People Are Revealing The Weirdest Things They've Ever Seen At The Airport
Maybe it’s pre-flight jitters. Or maybe it’s people over-imbibing at an airport bar. But for whatever reason, it’s not unusual to see someone acting up (or just acting plain weird) at the airport.
With that in mind, we asked comedians and others to share the funniest or weirdest thing they ever witnessed someone doing while they were waiting to board a flight. See what they had to say below.
The Parachuter
“This happened just yesterday. We were flying back from Chicago and a man going through security was asked if the very suspicious backpack he’d put on was a parachute. He denied it and walked through the scanners. The guys X-rayed it and were just like, ‘Yeah that’s 100% a parachute’ and led him off. Everyone in the line could tell it was a parachute. No idea what that guy was doing.” ― Niall Spain, co-host of the sex and dating advice podcast “F*ck Buddies”
The Pie Thief
“I was once supposed to be boarding a flight on the day of a major terrorist incident in London, and all flights were grounded. I saw a guy who was so angry about his flight being canceled that he stole two massive pies from the food court and ran around the airport shouting, ‘I’ve stolen these pies! We’re entitled to compensation, don’t let them con you!’ while everyone around him was respectfully grieving those who had died.” ― Joz Norris, a writer and comedian
The Day Drinker
“I was at an airport lounge in Portugal around 7 a.m. their time. This guy filled up a pint of beer at a self-serve tap, made eye contact with me, shrugged with a smile and then just walked away. Guess it’s 5:00 somewhere.” ―Natalya Jones, a writer
The Truly Confused American
“I was at the Athens, Greece, airport and a lady asked where the TSA pre-check line was.” ― Simon Fraser, a comedian
The Ventriloquist
“The funniest thing I’ve seen is the security guy’s faces when I opened my hand luggage to reveal a small squishy witch’s body and a mannequin bust of my own head stuck on a drill (while touring my solo show to the U.S. for the first time). Explaining to border control that I’m ‘traveling for work’ and my job is ‘adult puppet show’ is always a laugh.” ―Lachlan Werner, a comedian and ventriloquist
The Rule-Skirting Nun
“One time a nun asked me to watch her bags while she went to the bathroom. As a baptized Catholic, this was quite the dilemma. Do I heed the warnings of the TSA to never, ever watch someone else’s bag? Or do I help out a woman of the faith? I ended up telling her I couldn’t watch her bag and explained the rules that have been drilled into apparently everyone’s head but hers. I sat around for another two hours and she never got up to go to the bathroom. What gives?!” ― Lauren Keen Aumond, a content creator and host of the podcast “Adulting Is Easy”
The Full-Bladder Sprinter
“I saw two girls running on the travelator ― the moving walkway thing ― running to catch a connecting flight. The one running behind yells, ‘Oh, no, I’m not going to make it. I might have to pee my pants!’ loud enough for the rest of us to hear. I never did learn if they made their flight or if she peed her pants.” ― Chris Martinez
The Still-Mentally-In-Vegas Guy
“The funniest thing I’ve seen in the airport was when I was on a layover in Fort Lauderdale. There was a random older dude wearing aviator sunglasses, a Panama hat and a Caesar’s Palace bathrobe fastened on top of his clothes, walking through the airport like it was the most normal thing in the world.” ― Kate McCulley, a travel blogger
The Free Water Drinker
“Back in 2014, I was traveling to LA for a convention with two of my friends. While waiting for the flight, one of my friends went off to get some water but returned with nothing. I was a little confused and just asked, ‘Where is your water?’ He said he didn’t want to spend money on ‘RIP-OFF BOTTLED WATER’ so he just drank the water from the water taps in the toilets. Yes, there was a big red sign saying ‘Do not drink,’ and I have no idea what was in it, but... without being too graphic, he almost missed the flight because he could not leave the toilets from whatever that did to his stomach. Even on the flight, he didn’t use his seat next to us very much.” ―Roly West, a YouTuber
The Speedster
“I once saw someone riding on one of those electric moving suitcases, and I don’t think they knew how to brake. Can only assume they zoomed straight through a massive glass window!” ― Werner
The Clown
“Once I saw a man in a full clown costume (complete with oversized shoes and red nose) casually sipping a latte at a coffee shop. He was so nonchalant about it that everyone around him acted like it was the most normal thing in the world. It was like a scene from a surreal comedy sketch.” ― Moni Zhang, a stand-up comedian and mental health activist
The Almost Flasher
“At Chicago Midway one April day, security was absolutely insane, and many people had to sprint to their gate after going through. One woman with a giant Vera Bradley duffle bag, cross-body purse and a button-up flannel shirt was sprinting through the airport, dodging people, crying out, panting. She didn’t seem to notice that the more she ran, the more her cross-body bag was unbuttoning her shirt. From the second button down to the last one, her shirt was flapping open, exposing a purple bra and her entire upper body. She didn’t seem to notice people staring at her as she ran, but when she got to her gate, she looked down and saw her exposed upper body, screamed and quickly closed the buttons again. It was me. That woman was me.” ―Amy Lynn Hardy, an author
