People Are Revealing Their Solo Living Experiences, And It Turns Out We're All In This Together
I've been living alone for the last three years, and it's been amazing. I can eat whatever I want, adjust the TV volume to my liking, and clean on my own schedule. Most days, it feels exactly like this:
It hasn't always been rainbows and sunshine, though. While I love living alone, I had (and still do have!) occasional moments of loneliness and stress. It took me months to find ways to cope.
No one really talks about the harsher realities of living alone, so it's easy to feel pretty isolated. The other day, I saw a post on the Living Alone subreddit where people shared their thoughts on this exact topic, so naturally, it had my attention.
On the subreddit, user u/Tricky_Substance7938 posted, "Recently left a long-term relationship, never lived alone. What should I be prepared for?"
Droves of people posted their experiences of living alone, and some even left tips for first-timers. Below, I've rounded up the 21 best responses to the prompt; some experiences touch on the positives, while others touch on the negatives. Regardless, it's comforting to know that those of us living alone are all feeling the same things.
1."I am a 34F and living alone feels like peace to me. I hope you like it as much as I do! While you wait (to move to your new place) consider making a Pinterest board just for your apartment. Even buying a couple of things while you wait that will build your excitement. Some practical tips, if you think you will be scared, get a jam bar for your doors and windows or consider a security system. Things I use living alone that I’m always glad I have is a step stool, a drill, a stud finder, a laser level, and a basic tool set. If your landlord allows it consider a pet."
"Give yourself time to build a home for just you. My first year living alone I hated it. As my home started to take shape and reflect me and the way I liked things, it soon became a haven. I invite people over often, mostly for game nights. I have my family over for Sunday Supper on occasion. When I first moved in and got settled, I had a housewarming. Anyway, you can expect things to feel empty at first, but as you make it yours and create some memories there, it will feel more and more like home! Best of luck!"
2."I go to sleep when I'm ready, cook and eat when I want to, never watch sports, take vacations to locations I'm interested in, decorate my way, no negotiations. It's peaceful, private. I walk around my condo singing a lot."
3."The more you put off on doing stuff, the more stuff you will have to get done. It's better to get it done right away. Otherwise, it all piles up and can quickly get overwhelming."
4."The best parts: being able to walk around naked, not fighting with anyone over the TV, being able to leave the door open and still hear the TV while you’re in the bathroom, being able to play music without worrying about anyone else. The worst parts: Having to take the trash out every day, having no one to take care of you if you are sick / injured, having to carry your own groceries up the stairs if that’s a thing that your apartment has, no accountability partners to keep you on track with housework or other tasks, loneliness, no help with bills, no one to pick up the slack."
5."[The best thing about living alone is] being in total control of the ambient temperature. That is power. NO ONE messes with the thermostat."
6."Okay so the reality of this will be that there are going to be moments of loneliness. I went through this same thing a few years ago after my divorce. However, you really learn to be okay and at peace with this loneliness."
"Coming to your own sanctuary where you have made a home with your own two hands and decorated how you love, it will start to feel like a breath of fresh air. There's peace in being alone. I found this time of my life to be extremely healing. I learned what it is about companionship that I enjoy and that I can survive on my own and be happy if things don't work out with him. Also, get a dog or a cat if you're able to! My cat was my constant companion during this time."
7."Have your 'life sucks' box ready. The 'life sucks' box has easy-to-make food that lasts a long while like canned soup, crackers, or ramen. There’s the box of tissues you don’t touch so that it’s still the last box in the house when you’re sick. I personally have a large bowl in there that is not for food. I do not move fast and cannot always make it to the bathroom in bouts of nausea. This will make being sick alone easier."
8."It'll feel shitty for the first weeks, that's for sure but trust me, whatever comes after is pure happiness! Living alone is definitely the best decision I ever made, and I will always recommend it to people around me who went through a failed relationship or a toxic household."
"Take the time to adapt to the upcoming changes, make your own little routines (baking, regular walks, blasting your favorite music around, buying yourself flowers, decorating with your own taste, and so on), and if you can, get a pet. I thank god every day for my 3 cats, they make my life so much brighter. If I can give you some small advice, avoid bringing people over, mostly acquaintances, and protect your home, it'll be your safe place for a while."
9."Be prepared to face yourself as a roommate. I was NOT prepared to find out that it was in fact me using all the spoons! I really thought I was innocent of the accusation until I couldn’t deny the facts anymore."
10."I am in my third month of living alone for the first time in my life. I'm also in my fifties. The biggest thing you should be prepared for is the extreme shock of your freedom."
"I'm sitting on my chair watching my cat look at the window while listening to the birds outside. Nobody's telling me what I need to do. Nobody's asking me for a favor. Nobody's telling me to go to the store or to clean something up. I get to do whatever the heck I want. It's the greatest thing in the entire universe! Enjoy your freedom!"
11."I love my husband but I miss living alone! Something to expect: if you bring home yummy leftovers, they'll still be there and next day because no one else ate them. Have a plan lined up for when you start to feel isolated and alone. I spent time at coffee shops or at the gym to get out, but you can also go visit a friend, etc. My friend had small kids and couldn't visit so sometimes I'd go to her house to just hang out and be a part of the daily routine. Nothing fancy, just a way to have people around"
12."I'm living alone for the first time in my life at 58 years old. I am really enjoying the absolute freedom of being by myself. I do find the silence a bit disconcerting sometimes, so I listen to music, or an audiobook, or a podcast sometimes to fill up the space. That is happening less and less as I get used to the quiet. I feel as though I am rediscovering who I really am."
13."I did this at 32 but am male. Being single and living alone in your 30s is an absolute blast, but it's a learning curve. It is completely what you make of it, and you should realize early on that you are the master of your own destiny regarding how it turns out. If you are not proactive it could easily be a miserable experience. My advice: be active. Go out. Meet as many new people as you can. Spend time with friends. Explore the world. Say yes to things, even if you don't want to or can't be bothered. Don't try to rush back into a relationship. Take up new hobbies. Discover who YOU want to be in YOUR life. You will have a great time. Good luck.
14."The silence is so nice. So is the ability to blast music, binge watch TV shows, eat fast food at 2 a.m., loll around in your jammies all day, and not have your next snack gone when you want to eat it. Enjoy!!"
15."I think living alone after ending a long-term relationship is a different beast than just living alone because you've moved out of your parents' home or are moving out from roommates. The latter situations tend to be more exciting and obviously don't come with the additional grief and adjustment of ending a romantic relationship. I think the living alone part is actually fine, it's the adjusting to being single and grieving the relationship part that's more challenging IMO."
"It's normal though after a breakup to experience both excitement for what's to come and anxiety and sadness about being thrown into an entirely new life without who has been your person. Even if things ended amicably or because you chose it, it still sucks. There isn't a quick fix to the adjustment unfortunately. There might be days you look around your apartment and feel cozy and content and days or nights where you look around and feel sad and lonely. I think once you're further and further removed from the breakup aspect, the living alone part will naturally feel easier too and eventually becomes your new normal and something you genuinely enjoy."
16."If you're used to the negative judgment of your ex being a motivating factor to get chores done, prepare for having to find new motivations."
17."You have to take care of yourself, physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, socially — you name it. I learned the importance of this the hard way; I had a fairly amicable breakup in my early 30s, but I didn't take care of myself very well. I let myself get in my own head, and I made some mistakes. So... I highly recommend finding a good therapist. I don't know your history with your ex. Even if you feel OK about breaking up, a therapist can help you go over that part of your life, contextualize it, reframe it, and in some cases find out what you liked and disliked."
18."If the quiet bothers you I highly suggest finding something that you like to play in the background. Could be music, game/movie soundtracks, a nostalgic old TV show, or for myself, it was streaming old episodes of Critical Role. I particularly liked that because it felt more human, more like there were real laughing and talking people around me at a time when I had no one."
19."Prepare to hear your own thoughts often. Some days will be super enjoyable being on your own and others there could be moments of loneliness. Acknowledge the good and bad feelings and also know it’s completely normal. Get excited about creating your own security nest when you come home from a long day of work. I look forward to it just being me and my dog and complete peace."
20."Give someone a spare key."
21.And finally, "Push yourself to do things outside of your comfort zone. Set up an exercise routine. Learn to cook for yourself...I mean, make meals for the week, but learn and enjoy that you can eat whatever you want and let them be one day a week. Don't hide behind tech. You can easily avoid all humans, I don't recommend it... I got silly. Go to farmers' markets instead of Walmart's self-checkout. Fucking dance. Turn off the lights, know where your poodle is (for me) be in your underwear, and just put on a stupid song (anything Black Eyed Peas) and dance in your place. Feel adult freedom. Read everything, enjoy the silence."
Do you have any advice for people who are about to live alone for the first time? Let me know in the comments!
