Sometimes I think I love my mother-in-law more than I love my husband. She appreciates my hard work.
My then-boyfriend told me I needed to make a good impression with his mom.
After we were married, we moved in with her while trying to find a new place.
As a grandmother, she jumps right in, helping my special needs kid with whatever he needs.
The first time I met Yolanda, I wore a light pink flower dress. I remember wanting to make a good first impression, as Will, my boyfriend, now husband, warned me that she was the type of woman who, if she didn't like you, that was it. You would never be on her good side. After meeting her, I understood what he meant.
Yolanda is a woman who raised four kids primarily on her own, while also attending school to become a mammogram technician. She voices her opinion loudly and is very strong in her convictions.
We had to move in with her
After Will and I got married, we found ourselves living with Yolanda when our landlord did not extend our lease, and we had less than 30 days to move out. "You can come live with me," she said. "We are family. You can live here at home until you get back on your feet."
It was a huge blow to Will and my ego, but we knew it was the right move. For the most part, Yolanda and I got along. I would tidy up around the house as much as possible and offered to help with any tasks she needed. But mostly, I made sure to stay out of her way. When I became a mother, things started to shift.
During my pregnancy, I remember how I desperately wanted my mother to be with me, but since my parents were in the middle of a nasty divorce, it was a lost cause. While I was going through pregnancy for the first time, Yolanda was there, purchasing my first set of maternity clothes and planning the baby shower. My pregnancy, delivery, and first year of motherhood during the pandemic were rough, and there were times when Yolanda and I did not see eye to eye.
My son's diagnosis changed our family
"You've hurt me!" yelled my mother-in-law Yolanda. It was the first year my son was born, also the year COVID-19 was running rampant, and I was quarantining my newborn. I remember her glaring at me across the kitchen counter, her tears falling down her face and dripping on the marble countertop.
"If you think I'm going to prioritize your feelings over the health and safety of my son, you're out of your mind," I yelled back at her, staring directly at her eyes with my fist clenched. Neither one of us was backing down. She was a senior mama bear, and I was a new mom.
When my son was diagnosed with special needs, it changed our family. My husband was so distraught, blaming himself for the diagnosis, that he completely shut down and didn't speak to me about it for months. Meanwhile, I started researching best practices for kids on the spectrum and creating visuals around the house. I was trucking along, putting on a brave face, and being a strong mom, making sure my little boy felt safe and loved at home.
One day, while reading through pages of paperwork requesting at-home services, my eyes began to water. I couldn't hold it in; my brave face was cracking, and I started crying hysterically. The person who was there to hold me up was Yolanda. "He's going to be OK," she said tearfully as I sobbed all over her shoulder. "We're going to get through this as a family. And you are doing a great job as a mother."
My son loves his grandma
While my husband was having a hard time accepting our son's diagnosis, Yolanda was reading and researching along with me. She purchased an indoor swing set and a small trampoline to help my son's emotional regulation and sensory input. My son is 4 now, and not only is he excelling and making great strides, but he always asks for grandma, or Gaga for short. When I need to head out of the house, the first person I look for is her.
While Will tries his best, with Yolanda, I never have to dictate what needs to be done or direct her. She jumps right in with confidence, knowing exactly what my son needs because she knows firsthand what it's like to be the primary parent to your children.
Yolanda knows the reality of having a full-time job and being a full-time parent simultaneously, always wondering whether you're making the right choice every day. She knows what it feels like to be the rock of the family, the one everyone goes to for support, the one who keeps the family together, but she ends up lying in bed at night staring at the ceiling, feeling utterly depleted and alone.
And because she knows this, she has never let my hard work go unnoticed. Yolanda will remind me time and time again that I'm doing a great job and how lucky my son is to have a mother like me.
She reminds me that even the rock of the family can't always keep it together and will need help, reassurance, and a shoulder to cry on without judgment. I will be forever grateful for that.
Yes, she's loud and still holds to her convictions, and there are still things we might not agree on, but if I were to ever go to war, I would have that woman by my side in battle.
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