Tipping Culture Is Over The Top, Readers Say In Survey [Block Talk]
A seismic shift in how Americans make a living has pushed the tipping culture past its tipping point, according to nearly everyone who responded to our informal survey for Block Talk, Patch’s exclusive neighborhood etiquette column.
An overwhelming 96 percent of the 2,493 readers who responded to the survey, distributed in Patch newsletter emails, said tipping is out of control. Only 3 percent said the gig economy has changed the etiquette of tipping.
Tipping at sit-down restaurants is a normal part of going out, many readers said, with most of those saying gratuities should be at least 20 percent. It was also common for readers to say hairstylists, barbers, manicurists, hotel staff, ride-share and taxi drivers and others should get tips, but many said it’s ridiculous to tip someone who hands a sandwich out the window or takes an order for a cup of coffee.
“Tip for service, because people in these positions don’t make great salaries,” said North Fork (New York) Patch reader Clare, who tips around 20 percent to 30 percent.
“People who are paid a ‘tipped minimum wage’ deserve a tip,” said Annapolis (Maryland) Patch reader Betty, who generally leaves a 20 percent gratuity at a dine-in restaurant. “If I walk up or drive through and order, I do not tip.”
Even in cases where the wait staff fails, it’s important to remember the other workers who are supported by a tip, said Marty, who reads Southampton (New York) Patch and West Palm Beach (Florida) Patch.
“Wait staff splits with busboys, runners, etc.,” Marty said. “I’ll tip low, and let the auxiliaries let the waiter know they need to tip up their game.”
Nashua (New Hampshire) Patch reader Mark is an empathetic tipper.
“I usually tip food service workers, delivery people who are delivering large items, and sometimes trades people, especially if they unknowingly underestimated the time to do a project,” Mark said. “I have met some really nice, hard-working people, doing really thankless jobs with a smile on their face. I tip them well.”
Wallingford (Connecticut) Patch reader Sandy unapologetically tips at coffeeshops like Starbucks and Dunkin’.
“You may think all they do is stand there and hand out coffee because we Americans are too lazy to get out of our cars to walk in and get it,” Sandy said. “They make minimum wage and they have to take a lot of abuse from nasty people. Also in the bad weather they may not be standing outside but they are standing in that window handing your coffee and it’s freezing.
“So come on, people,” Sandy continued. “You wouldn’t do their job for the money they make, so give a tip. Why do you think places that serve the public are having such a hard time getting help?”
‘I Can’t Believe I Do That’
Lorraine, who reads Basking Ridge Patch and Morristown Patch in her home state of New Jersey, thinks tipping is out of control. Nevertheless, she leaves generous gratuities of “20 percent to my hairdresser and around $7 to the salon helper; 20 percent to limo drivers and Uber drivers; housecleaning, one week’s fee at Christmastime; grocery delivery 5-10 tip.
“The gas attendant gets $5 once in a while when I just feel like it,” Lorraine said. “I can’t believe I do that.”
Lizard, who reads Arlington Patch and Fairfax City Patch in Virginia, as well as several New Jersey Patch local news sites, doesn’t withhold tips.
“At restaurants I don’t know if the service sucks, I leave the old 15 percent,” Lizard said. “I was just in Pennsylvania, the old industrial state, where patrons earn way less than in D.C. Every restaurant added 20 percent to our bills and asked as us to consider adding more, even though we were only four people.”
Massachusetts Patch reader Raquel draws the line on tips at places like coffee shops and bakeries that don’t provide table service, but leaves gratuities of at least 20 percent at dine-in restaurants.
“It is just putting the product on the counter. There is no personalized service,” Raquel said. “Also, I know coffee shops staff are pretty well paid. A waiter in a restaurant is usually below the minimum wage.”
Bryn Mawr-Gladwyne (Pennsylvania) Patch reader Piper hasn’t stopped tipping, but she has cut back. Piper tips 20 percent at a sit-down restaurant, but no longer tips when she has to stand in line to order food. Hair stylists and manicurists get the same, ride-share drivers get 10 percent, and newspaper carrier and trash collector get a gratuity during the holidays.
“I still tip the doorman at hotels upon check-in and check-out, parking attendants, and pretty much all the traditional tipping jobs, but none of the ones that started during and after COVID anymore,” Piper said. “It’s too much.”
Also, Piper said, “I was once pressured into tipping on Botox. I don’t go to that spa anymore.”
A Penny For Thoughts On Service
It’s OK to decline tips at places that provide routine service, some readers said.
One of them, East Brunswick (New Jersey) Patch reader Steve, once left only a penny — the ultimate insult to a server — but said he was provoked after his server disappeared without taking his order and others had to pick up the slack.
Cat, who reads several Pennsylvania Patch local news sites, left a penny once, too.
“It’s been years, but I was out with friends when we were young and had an unbelievably rude waitress,” Cat said. “We left a penny and she didn’t deserve that. We were nice and undemanding. Now, I might understand that she was having a bad day and slamming things around wasn’t aimed toward us.”
A New Hampshire reader can hardly be blamed for not tipping and praised for paying the bill at all.
“I didn’t tip the waitress who exposed her breasts to my husband right in front of me,” said Becky, who reads Nashua Patch, Merrimack Patch and Concord Patch.
Elle, who reads several Across California Patch local news sites, seems justified, too. She withheld a tip “once in my entire life at a restaurant that was flat-out rude to a friend in our group with dementia. We all skipped the tip and complained,” Elle said.
‘Tipping Has Jumped The Shark’
Bigfoot got a jolt while making an online donation to a political candidate.
“At the end of the form,” the Farmingdale (New York) Patch reader said, “they actually asked for a tip! A tip for what?”
“Tipping has jumped the shark!” said Concord (New Hampshire) Patch reader El’Jay, who drew the line at the tip jar at the grocery store check-out.
“I’m not tipping someone to ring up my groceries,” El’Jay said, just getting started. “A place where I couldn't withhold a tip was for a restaurant in the New Hampshire Lakes Region that applies a 3 percent surcharge for health benefits for ‘untipped’ employees. The amount it added wasn’t the problem but the principle of it is galling!”
Mme. X, a Barnstable-Hyannis (Massachusetts) Patch reader, also refuses to tip at the grocery counter.
“I worked retail for many years and we never asked for tips,” Mme. X said. “Many stores forbade employees from asking for gratuities, even if they helped a customer to the car, and it’s time we got back to that. It often makes the difference between me going back to a store if they are begging for tips, and sometimes they are quite aggressive about it.”
Mme. X is also put off when asked to round up her change to donate to a store’s “charity of the week” or add a donation to her bill.
“I’m on a fixed income and often only have the money to pay for what I buy,” she said. “Having to turn down a charity (that I might not know anything about) makes me feel bad, and often the target of sarcasm or hostility from staff as well as customers. Again, I won’t go back if I can avoid it.”
“I’m tired of businesses making me enter a tip response on an iPad when they simply performed their unskilled job and did not wait on me at all,” said Jackie, who reads several New York Patch local news sites. “The business owners need to pay their employees fair wages rather than expect customers to do it. Tipping has gotten way out of hand.
“And, worse, so has the entitled expectation of the fast food employees,” Jackie continued. “When you click zero tip, they check the receipt and have the audacity to give you a disapproving look. Some of them even seem to make you wait longer for your order if you don’t tip. When that happens, I stop going there.”
Meg, who reads Bradenton (Florida) Patch and West Islip (New York) Patch, yields to peer pressure when she’s out with others and reluctantly forks over a 20 percent gratuity.
“When alone, I base it on service and what the person had to do for me,” Meg said. “For instance, when getting a slice of pizza, which I never have them heat, just put it in the bag. I do not put a percentage on it but if the change is 50 cents, I put it in their tip jar, only because it is usually a neighborhood kid I know.”
‘People Need To Get Braver’
“I have stopped being intimidated by the request for a tip at every register. The owner must pay employees correctly,” Sayville-Bayport (New York) Patch reader LB said, adding businesses should not “add 15-20 percent on to everything” in the form of gratuities.
Beverly (Massachusetts) Patch reader Steve said he’s tipping the same people he did 20 years ago.
“People need to get braver about declining the tip on the digital screen prompt when it’s not appropriate to tip,” Steve said “The pandemic is over.”
Steve favors more regulation and oversight of tipping apps “so that it never prompts for situations where it’s historically inappropriate to tip and make it faster and easier to decline tips.”
Glen Ellyn (Illinois) Patch reader Gabrielle once relied on food delivery services, but has stopped “due to the extortionate nature of the tipping.”
“We were giving substantial tips just to get someone to deliver the order at all, and then the service would be below par,” she said.
Ness, a Newark (New Jersey) Patch reader, gives the hair stylist or manicurist $5 or $10, but begrudgingly so.
“The attitude of the hair or nail person — I’m just sick of tipping,” Ness said. “They don’t give anything extra! Even the person taking an order. It’s crazy. Everyone expects a tip now. I’m over it all.”
So is Malvern (Pennsylvania) Patch reader Sheba, who said she feels “pressured” to tip drive-thru attendants and other eateries offering nothing extra in terms of service “due to concern about whether workers will do something to my food.”
‘The More Society Supports Wages…’
Frankfort Mom, who reads Frankfort (Illinois) Patch, also decried the expectation that she should tip fast-food workers.
“I would very much prefer to have the establishment pay a fair wage for the job and raise the menu prices to reflect that,” she said. “I feel that the more society supports low wages by unnecessarily tipping, we are letting companies off the hook.”
Steve, who reads Rhode Island Patch local news sites, doesn’t feel obligated to leave a tip when he receives sub-par service “or a place that shouldn’t be asking for a tip,” but encourage it “hoping it will subsidize the low hourly wage and attract employees.”
Vernon (Connecticut) Patch reader Bogeyboy doesn’t think withholding tips is ever the right thing.
“I believe that the person providing the service, no matter how minimal the service is, is on the bottom ranks of today’s salary structure and can use the money to help with their own inflated bills, including their own tipping habit,” Bogeyboy said.
About Block Talk
Block Talk is an exclusive Patch series on neighborhood etiquette — and readers provide the answers. If you have a topic you'd like for us to consider, email beth.dalbey@patch.com with “Block Talk” as the subject line.
Tipping Culture Is Over The Top, Readers Say In Survey [Block Talk] originally appeared on the Across America Patch
