Viral TikTok calls out the ‘leisure gap’—why moms can’t just relax
A recent viral TikTok by Paige (@sheisapaigeturner) has reignited an important conversation about the “leisure gap” between moms and dads. In her video, which has already garnered 624,000 views, she touches on a reality that many households experience but few openly discuss: men, on average, have more time for hobbies and rest, while women often use their “free” time to tackle the unpaid labor of managing a household and raising children.
This disparity, known as the leisure gap, isn’t just anecdotal—it’s backed by research. Studies reveal that fathers tend to have significantly more uninterrupted downtime compared to mothers, who are often multitasking or on call for family needs even during supposed breaks. Moms are not just resting; they’re mentally running through to-do lists, managing the emotional needs of their kids, and ensuring the household stays afloat.
What is the leisure gap?
The leisure gap refers to the difference in how much time men and women spend on unpaid domestic labor versus leisure activities. While both parents are undoubtedly busy, moms disproportionately take on the “mental load” of organizing family life, from remembering doctor appointments to coordinating meal prep. As a result, any potential downtime is often fragmented and interrupted.
As one TikTok commenter, @rachelfabi, aptly noted, “My husband and I sit down to watch TV after the kids are in bed…he is just watching. I am meal planning, grocery shopping, packaging returns, and planning for Christmas.”
Related: The invisible labor that’s breaking moms: How unequal mental load impacts mental health
Why does it matter?
Beyond the exhaustion that moms experience, the leisure gap reflects a deeper issue of systemic gender inequality. When moms are stretched thin without adequate rest or hobbies to recharge, it impacts not only their mental health but also their relationships and overall well-being. Meanwhile, dads are often afforded the opportunity to fully relax and pursue interests, perpetuating the imbalance.
As @Pennyiscute shared, “I can’t relax in my own home. Every room I walk into reminds me of chores I have to do. My husband tells me to relax, but I can’t.”
Why it’s hard to rest
Even when moms sit down, their minds rarely do. As @Sydney observed, “Even when I’m on the couch scrolling my phone, I’m actually buying the kids’ winter clothes, researching potty training tips, ordering groceries, etc.” This invisible labor—often dubbed the “mental load”—means moms are working even when it looks like they’re resting.
Paige captures this perfectly in her TikTok, stating, “The difference isn’t just about time—it’s about mental space.” This distinction is critical to understanding why the leisure gap isn’t merely a matter of hours logged but a matter of fairness and emotional balance.
Making rest a priority
A recurring theme in the TikTok comments is the transformative power of moms prioritizing themselves. One mom, @Rubyeye008, shared, “I decided to start treating myself to leisure. If the house is a mess, so be it. I deserve to relax.” Another, @adele, said, “Now when the kids are out of the house, I do not do sh–. I just sit down and relax.”
TikTok user @Lisa also shared her approach: “I only do chores when my kids are awake so that 1. They join me and learn, and 2. I can relax when they’re sleeping or otherwise busy.”
Taking rest isn’t just self-care; it’s a statement about equality and value within a partnership.
Related: Dad absolutely nails the judgment women often bear when carrying the mental load
Bridging the gap
How can families—and society—start to address this imbalance?
Open Conversations: Partners need to openly discuss the division of labor at home, including the invisible mental load. Awareness is the first step toward change.
Equitable Chores: Couples can work together to divide household and parenting responsibilities more equally. This might involve alternating tasks like bedtime routines or meal planning.
Normalize Help: It’s okay to outsource tasks like cleaning or childcare when possible, creating more shared downtime for both parents.
Policy Changes: Support for paid parental leave and affordable childcare can also help balance the scales, ensuring moms aren’t disproportionately burdened.
A shared responsibility
Ultimately, the leisure gap is a symptom of outdated gender roles and societal norms. Videos like Paige’s serve as a call to action for partners and communities to rethink how we define and divide household responsibilities. Closing the gap isn’t just about fairness—it’s about giving everyone, moms included, the chance to breathe, recharge, and truly enjoy life.
Sources:
The ‘leisure gap’ between mothers and fathers. 2013. Pew Research Center. The ‘leisure gap’ between mothers and fathers.
