Why I'm Sometimes Jealous of My Wife's Pregnancy
On an otherwise inauspicious trip to the hospital, a nurse mentioned to my pregnant wife that she had just had a child. "You feel empty afterwards," she told my wife out of nowhere. "It's weird, but you miss being pregnant." My wife and I both laughed, not just because the observation was seemingly out of nowhere (and a bit melancholy), but because the likelihood of my wife missing being pregnant was pretty slim. She's had a rough pregnancy by any measurement: sickness, pains, dizziness… she's gotten everything and then some. Still, there are moments when I'm incredibly jealous of her.
Just to clarify that statement, it's a healthy jealousy. I'm not upset that she gets all the attention from friends and family. I'm not angry that's she's forming an emotional connection with our child already. I just get, occasionally, little twinges of jealousy knowing she's experiencing something I will literally never get to experience. For all the daily vomiting and stomach pains, this is still something incredible. I'm not going to call it a miracle, though. I hate when people call it "a miracle" or "the greatest thing you'll ever do." For some people, getting pregnant is so easy that they do it by accident - it's not exactly selfless having a bunch of sex so you can procreate. So it's not "a miracle," per say, but it is, even considering the science behind it, absolutely incredible. Barring some kind of Junior advancements in science, I know that I'll never even come close to understanding it.
The first time my wife felt the baby kick, I sat there like I goon prodding her stomach and feeling nothing. She was so happy, giggling and smiling as she felt our son give a few swift job. It's a gorgeous memory I wouldn't trade for anything. It was the first time it really sunk in for me that we were having a child, and he was in there growing. But of course, I wanted to be able to feel him, too. I was a little jealous - happy and excited for my wife, first and foremost - but a little jealous that I couldn't feel him kick. It'd be weeks before I got to feel him kick, and it was worth the wait. He kicks all the time now, and I still can't stop putting my hand on her belly when he does. I figured I would've been over it by now, but I'm not.
I was a little jealous - happy and excited for my wife, first and foremost - but a little jealous that I couldn't feel him kick
But my wife is constantly feeling him moving. He's surprised her more than a few times with some of the positions he's gotten into. They wake up together - he starts moving around in the morning when she gets ready for work. She talks to him constantly and it's amazing to watch; I know she's going to be such a great mom. Sometimes I think about how seeing our son for the first time is going to be such a different experience for her compared to me. I've read to him, I've felt him kick, but there's a bond I'm watching my wife form with him that's impossible for me to replicate. Of course I'm going to be envious of that. When he's born, she's going to get to see someone she already knows, like meeting a pen pal in person. I feel like I'll be meeting him for the first time.
So that's why, even when she's feeling under the weather, even when she calls out of work sick, or when the growing pains force her to sit down, I'm jealous. And, of course, there are the times when I definitely wouldn't want to be switching places with her. But pregnancy is such a cool and unique experience to go through, and one that I feel like I'm watching happen as opposed to being an active participant. Even as an observer, it's incredible. But in those moments when she's holding her belly and smiling and talking to our son, who she feels moving around inside her, that I feel so many things: happiness, excitement, and just a little pang of envy.
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