Why Does Online Shopping Make Me Feel Like Absolute Crap?
Tanja Ivanova/Getty Images
Do you ever flick open your laptop or grab your phone, excited to hunt for the perfect jacket or pair of boots, only to emerge hours later having bought nothing and feeling like you’ve been chewed up and spit out? Lately, that’s been my journey with online shopping, and it…blows. I go in with a simple task and come out feeling anxious, exhausted, and cranky about the world and everyone in it.
For some people, browsing digital stores can be quite the opposite—a pleasant, if not highly gratifying, activity. Hell, it’s called retail therapy for a reason. When you shop, your brain’s reward center gets activated, which triggers the release of the feel-good neurotransmitter dopamine, Kate Cummins, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and speaker in the Bay Area, tells SELF.
If that’s true, then why can online shopping also feel so mentally and physically draining? I asked a couple of experts to weigh in—and share how you (and I) can get to the virtual checkout without falling more or less into a pit of despair.
For one, online shopping is seriously overwhelming.
One of the biggest factors at play is (not surprisingly) the vastness of what’s for sale on the internet. “Consumers are absolutely overwhelmed and overloaded with choices when shopping online,” Diedre Popovich, PhD, an associate professor of marketing in the Rawls College of Business at Texas Tech University, tells SELF.
Dr. Popvich, who researches how consumer behavior impacts well-being, points out that when you go into a brick-and-mortar store, you’re typically guided on a journey through the layout and signage—and your options are limited. On the web, you have near infinite brands, retailers, and products to comb through, with little guidance. “Research shows that we have a paradox of choice: Consumers love to have a lot of different options available to us, but when we have too many, we actually end up in decision paralysis,” she says—also called analysis paralysis, this term refers to the inability to decide due to overwhelming choices.
And it’s not just that you’re drowning in products but also being inundated with information: sales and promotions, customer reviews, details on materials, size charts, etc. All this, yet you still can’t see, feel, or try anything on. As a result, online shopping will always feel somewhat uncertain, which can lead to stress, anxiety, and frustration, Neeru Paharia, MS, a professor of marketing at the W. P. Carey School of Business at Arizona State University, tells SELF.
And don’t forget about the personalized marketing designed to pull you in, much of which sings the age-old tune of: You’re not good enough. “We’re constantly bombarded with that message when shopping online,” Dr. Popovich says. “What a lot of companies are selling you is the idea that if you have this product, your life will be infinitely better.” We’re often browsing with our “ideal self” in mind, not our “real self,” she adds. And that comes with a lot of heavy implications: Who do you want to be, and how are you falling short now? Research published in the Journal of the Association for Consumer Research found that when a company targets a customer’s ideal self, it improves their feelings towards the brand but also increases negative, self-conscious emotions, including envy.
It’s not all that different from the way we compare ourselves to other people on social media—and it’s a surefire way to feel inadequate. That emotionally loaded messaging could definitely be part of why we end up feeling lousy and overwhelmed, Dr. Popovich says.
It can be a total time-suck.
In theory, buying stuff online is more efficient; no need to leave the house, try things on, or go from store to store in search of what you really want. But for me, it eats up minutes faster than even mindlessly scrolling Instagram in bed. This warped sense of time could be attributed to “flow,” the psychological state often described as being “in the zone,” Dr. Popovich says.
One of the key characteristics of flow is time distortion; it seems to fly by when you’re immersed in the task at hand. This state of mind can indeed be triggered by shopping online (as well as other activities like playing video games). It’s generally seen as a positive, productive thing. But in my experience, particularly if I don’t commit to any purchases, I emerge feeling disoriented, disappointed that a good chunk of my day is gone, and frustrated that I have nothing to show for the time I spent.
The negative effects of online shopping are often physical too: A marathon session has me hunched goblin-style over my laptop, brow furrowed, immobile for hours—none of which feel great. In-person shopping involves physical movement, which gets your blood flowing, can boost your energy, and triggers the release of feel-good neurotransmitters known as endorphins, Dr. Cummins says. Spending long periods on a device, on the other hand, can put you into a physical and mental slump just like doomscrolling or watching a few too many episodes of Love Is Blind.
There’s mounting pressure to be a “responsible” consumer.
The cultural context around shopping is changing, which can make the experience even more stressful. Sustainability, in particular, is becoming increasingly important to customers as we learn more about the massive waste associated with our high-buy lifestyles; it’s spurred social media trends like “underconsumption core” and the rise of ThriftTok.
This awareness is undoubtedly a positive thing, but it can layer on even more pressure to make the “perfect” choice. I, for one, definitely feel climate anxiety. As a result, I try to buy less overall and favor secondhand finds and sustainable brands. This mindset is all good vibes, in theory, but often has me lost in the sauce of Poshmark or Depop or doing research deep dives trying to figure out if a company is as environmentally conscious as they claim.
Trying to shop mindfully suddenly feels like an impossible balancing act where you’re forced to weigh being a good person against other factors like price, quality, and buying something you actually like. In fact, one 2017 study published in the Journal of Business Ethics found that greater knowledge about sustainability is a source of dilemma, tension, and paralysis for people trying to lead a more sustainable lifestyle.
How to shop online without wanting to cry and throw your laptop across the room
To minimize the mood-tanking effects of online shopping and avoid tumbling Alice in Wonderland–style down the rabbit hole, Dr. Cummins offers simple advice: “Set goals and boundaries.” If you’re on the hunt for something specific, like a new pair of workout sneakers, only shop for that item. On the holiday-gift grind? Make a list, and stick to it. It’s also smart to set a time limit (especially with someone or something keeping you accountable) so you don’t end up in flow—and fall out, feeling terrible, hours later.
To help whittle down the massive array of options, it also pays to get clear on your preferences and go in knowing exactly what you want, Dr. Popovich says. Say you’re shopping for work shoes: Do you need a stacked heel for comfort? A neutral color that goes with everything in your closet? Don’t look at anything that doesn’t fit the bill. It can also help to identify a few key brands you trust or that you know fit you well and limit your search to those sites.
If you start to get overwhelmed, take a step back—and not by scrolling on TikTok. Physically separate from your phone or computer, move your body (even if you just pace in your living room or dance to “Pink Pony Club” for a few minutes), and then return to the task. By giving your brain a break and getting your blood flowing, you’ll come back to your cart thinking more critically and clearly, according to Dr. Cummins—and probably feeling physically better too.
One more thing to keep in mind: There’s an important distinction between shopping with a purpose and as a maladaptive coping mechanism. If you’re doing it compulsively or in a way that’s messing with your life—such as overspending when you don’t have the money, buying items you don’t need, or browsing to avoid difficult emotions or things you need to do—it becomes dysfunctional, Dr. Cummins says. In the end, it can leave you feeling sad, guilty, shameful, and even depressed. (If that sounds familiar, it could be a sign to see a therapist or other mental health professional.)
Barring these deeper issues, perhaps an aversion to online shopping is actually a helpful reminder that most of us don’t need more stuff. And when you are shopping for a legit reason, the tips above can ensure the experience doesn’t suck up too much of your time—or soul.
Related:
25 Little Ways to Have a Better Relationship With Your Phone
Why Multitasking Doesn’t Work and Is Actually Making Your Life Worse
Get more of SELF's great wellness advice delivered right to your inbox—for free.
Originally Appeared on Self
