Women Are Sharing The Seemingly Little Habits That DRASTICALLY Improved Their Sex Lives
Sex is a topic that many people still view as "taboo" — especially in regards to women and their sexual experiences. Whether from their culture, family members, or sex education classes, women are taught to hide (or even fear) their sexuality. However, with time and experience, many women discover habits, tips, and tricks that make their sex lives more enjoyable...
This is why when the r/AskWomen community was asked, "What’s one thing about sex you wish you’d learned earlier, and how has it impacted your relationships or self-confidence?" Women flooded the comments with the advice they wished someone had given them when they were younger. From offering suggestions to using sexual aids — here are 17 habits women swear by in the bedroom:
1."You can’t ignore kinks completely — they are as important to sex as understanding which gender you’re attracted to. I’ve never liked 'vanilla' sex, but I put myself through two long-term relationships with people who were extremely vanilla and vocally yucked my yum. The thought of having vanilla sex now gives me the 'ick.'"
"In the culture I grew up in, women were taught to make their sexuality small or not to even acknowledge they had sexual desires. Sexual compatibility wasn’t even an option when choosing a partner. I’ve come to realize that sexual compatibility is extremely important to talk about before committing to a partner long-term."
2."Stop faking. Not everyone you sleep with will make you feel turned on. It may seem like they check all the right boxes, but your body doesn’t respond. It’s like they are not the right puzzle piece for you. It’s not you, it’s not them — it’s biology."
3."You can say 'no' at any point during sex. You are not obligated to proceed with any part if you aren’t interested or invested."
"When I was young, I remember feeling lackluster commitment because I wanted the experience rather than doing something because it was fun or arousing. There was a hint of, 'Well, I already said yes, and I liked making out, so I might as well keep going.' There were even times when I felt (without a threat of violence) that saying 'no' would result in rumors/gossip or potentially having my 'no' not be respected, so it was easier to just keep going than back out.
Once I grew in confidence, I was choosier, but I also always felt entitled and empowered to get up and ask someone to leave if I wasn’t enjoying myself or felt respected or listened to. I won’t waste my time if I could do it better myself."
4."Honestly, I wish I learned how crappy and selfish men can be in bed. I’ve had encounters where, afterward, I was mad at myself for 'wasting a body count' on the person I slept with. I wish I had spoken up sooner and advocated for myself better. I wasn't honest with guys and would just get the bare minimum and not even get a chance to orgasm most of the time."
"Once I realized I had the power to speak up, I never hesitated to tell a guy if what he was doing wasn’t working for me. Some got mad, and some actually learned what I liked! I chose to be honest after that — even if I thought it might hurt their ego — because they needed to learn the truth in order for me to have a good time.
After I started speaking up, sex became more enjoyable and gave me the boost of confidence I needed to ALWAYS speak up. I’m married now, so I’m not having any encounters other than with my husband, but I’m always honest with him about whether I’m feeling it or if I want to try something different. It’s fun being able to be open and honest with my partner. I’m happy I learned to speak up."
5."Use a vibrator during sex whenever you want to — not only because it makes sex better, but also because it weeds out partners who are too insecure or sexually selfish to have fun in bed."
"Yes! Using a vibrator makes penetration feel even better. It's like your muscles involuntarily pulsate, and I can have a vaginal orgasm without having to consciously tighten my muscles at all. My partner loves it, too."
6."It's not just about being 'wet' enough. Arousal will increase blood flow to your vagina, allowing it to stretch and expand. It also creates 'pillows' for the impact to protect your internal walls, like a water balloon filling your insides."
"Your arousal will turn your nerve endings on and make them telegraph pleasure to your brain. The same nerve endings can signal pain or discomfort when you are not aroused (think about a crooked tampon). You can put lube on a deflated bouncy slide and go down the hill, but it's much better (more comfortable and safe) when inflated."
7."I wish I had known that sex wasn't this 'big' thing that raises your self-importance. When I was just beginning to be sexually active, I had sex with a guy and afterward, he said, 'So, what do you want to eat for breakfast?' We went into the kitchen, poured a bowl of cereal and milk, and ate together on the couch while watching King of the Hill."
"That's when it set in for me: Sex is just another mundane thing that happens to you. Don't get me wrong, I love sex. Sex is awesome. But so is playing instruments, going to a theme park, or trying a new food — it's not a uniquely amazing or important experience; it just is what it is."
It's made me averse to hookup culture because I've found out that part of having a good sexual experience is doing it with someone you genuinely like. It's also made me set a standard with the people I date, which I didn't use to do."
8."A certain level of sobriety is absolutely essential for someone to be able to consent. A person cannot consent while inebriated."
"Coercion is abusive — it defies your ability to consent. Run fast and far from anyone who displays even a minuscule amount of this behavior.
Anything outside of an enthusiastic yes is a f*ck no."
9."Literally millions of men find curvy women attractive — cellulite and all. Kendrick Lamar put it on the map for us, but it’s always been true."
"I’ve gained and lost decent amounts of weight throughout my life, and the men I’ve been with agreed I look better with a little more weight. I try my best to stay in the gym, but I am still jiggly, and at this point, I’m just going with what God gave me (plus some added strength to protect myself/make my job easier).
There is no better feeling than someone picking you up and really getting into the moment and your body. That kind of enthusiasm is how I KNOW I am a sexy woman, jiggles and all."
10."Feeling safe is important!"
"The first man with whom I could enjoy myself was someone I felt completely physically and emotionally safe with. I felt safe for myself and knew he wouldn’t shame, judge, complain, be disappointed in me, or insist we do anything I felt uncomfortable with; on the flip side, I was 'safe' for him. He knew I wouldn’t freak out and didn't feel the need to prove anything.
This was the first sexual encounter I had ever had where I was able to relax."
11."Don’t worry so much! If you’re with the right person, they genuinely don’t care what underwear you wear or if you’re a week past your waxing time. Just enjoy the intimacy of being physically connected with your partner."
12."Size and girth matter; anyone who says otherwise is a liar."
"Shape matters, too. Men don't understand how much the angle of entry affects enjoyability. Even a slight tilt can alter the experience. If it goes straight in, it will hit all sides of the canal. But if it's at an angle, it might only hit one side or one point. Think of the difference between someone rubbing your back with their whole hand vs. just two fingers — very different sensations and pressures. Depending on the woman and her anatomy, that can be the difference between reaching the 'good spots' for her or just poking around.
You need to find a partner whose anatomy is compatible with yours, and then you'll make a great match."
13."Having a low libido is OK! There are more people out there like you. Not every man is sex-crazed, and there should never be shame in sex or lack thereof. Just communicate and don't give in to something you don't want to sustain."
"I haven't met a single man who is sex crazed. At this point, I think it's a myth. Any time I've heard friends or other women talk about their man being insatiable, I found out they only had sex once a month or so. I've never met a man who could keep up with me, and I don't even want it every day."
14."Sex is not transactional. I unfortunately 'dated' a mentor fresh out of high school, and he maybe-accidentally-maybe-intentionally taught me I could exchange sex for his love and affection. Learning that messed up my understanding of relationships, and it’s taken a lot of work to START unpacking it."
"I finally have a partner who loves and respects both me and my body, and there are nights when I’ve had a bit to drink, and he tells me the next morning that 'drunk-me' was offering him sex as a compensatory reward for dealing with me. It takes much time and effort to unlearn this transactional understanding, but hopefully, I’m getting there."
15."You can be confident while being vulnerable. I have spent a lot of time thinking about how I look and feel during sex, which makes it hard to get out of my head and enjoy the moment."
"If I hadn't always been so wrapped up in my thoughts, I might’ve been more upfront about what I needed. I’ve improved with time, but a part of me still struggles."
16."I treated my virginity like it was precious and didn't 'explore' in my early 20s. I eventually lost my virginity at 25 ( it was fine, not super great). After that, I’d always get bored during sex, no matter who my partner was. The issue was I’d always be dry no matter what they did, and it made me feel like something was wrong with me because the sex would be painful or it couldn't happen at all. I felt ashamed and resigned myself to never having sex again. In fact, with my first long-term partner (who I had planned to marry), we stopped having sex in the first year, and it became an issue for us."
"Fast forward, we broke up, and I met a guy on a dating app. The first date was okay — I have never been into one-night stands, as I’ve never been able to have good sex with known partners. But he and I physically clicked like nothing I had ever experienced — he was a firecracker in bed. He was experienced and knew how to get me going (I didn't even know how to get myself turned on). We dated and hooked up for two-and-a-half years and had the best sex of my life. I learned three important lessons during our relationship:
1. Explore and find out what you like in bed (If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have realized what I was missing and how nothing was wrong with me).
2. The other person's experience level will make a difference, especially when you have minimal experience like me.
3. Sex is an important aspect of life between a couple; it’s a make-or-break deal. At the same time, it’s not the only thing that matters. I broke up with my long-term partner because we couldn’t have sex, and I broke up with the hook-up guy, too, because we weren’t compatible other than when it came to sex. So, it’s important to strike a balance of both in a relationship."
Did any of these sex facts surprise you? Women, what do you wish you had learned about sex sooner? Let us know in the comments (or if you prefer to remain anonymous, you can answer using this Google Form).
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE), which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.
