Women Confessed Why They Lost The Desire To Have Sex, And It's Extremely Enlightening
Reddit user whenmylove_ asked the women of the community, "What made you not want to have sex anymore?"
Their stories capture multiple sides of the sexual experience and are honestly enlightening. People might believe it's "abnormal" to abstain from sex, when in reality, it's more common than you think.
So, here are some women who don't feel the desire to have sex anymore:
Note: This doesn't reflect every woman's approach to sex. Everyone's experience is different.
Note: This post includes topics of sexual assault and domestic abuse. Please proceed with caution.
1."My ex started acting entitled. Like, if I wasn't in the mood, if I was on my period, or if I was busy (for example, cooking and dealing with hot grease), he would pout and give me the cold shoulder. And when we did have sex, he would leave right after to go watch TV at night because he was used to going to sleep very late. I felt so abandoned being left in bed alone, no cuddles, etc. — that just ruined my desire pretty much."
2."I was working long hours every other weekend, and I found out that my boyfriend was going to strip clubs when I was at work. I'm not attracted to men who go to strip clubs and other stuff like that. Once I dumped him and began dating another guy, my libido came right back."
3."I realized that I expected a lot from men after having sex. I don't know if it's just me, but I've always expected a man to treat me with a higher level of romance than ever before. But they just fuck and leave. Like, show me the love, look into my eyes, show me sweetness, touch me, hold me, make me feel irresistible. I crave more and more intimacy the more I do it. I literally get nothing, not even the bare minimum, and this has been happening in all of my relationships."
"And how can I teach a man to 'cater to me?' It'd be more like a chore and not a gesture or a courtesy. I've also realized that men use some traits of 'love' like affection or attraction or actions as bait, and I stupidly start falling for them. It's only after that I find out their real intentions.
I'm starting to feel like I don't know what love feels like or looks like, and I worry that I might not find it. Sometimes after sex, I'd have to be the one to get up and be a 'mom to them,' and they go about their day happily while I'm home feeling like shit. I feel like an object without any value. I want to be treated softly."
4."An IUD that was placed incorrectly for about a year. It gave me nonstop bleeding and made penetrative sex feel like someone was stabbing me with a wire from the inside. It was absolutely torturous pain. I committed to keeping it for so long because my insurance didn’t cover it because I had paid $700 out of pocket."
5."I've never had sex before, but my two close friends have, and explained to me on numerous occasions about their first times (I won't go into it, but each time they explained it sounded significantly awful). I am consistently mocked for never having sex before, even though I'm still very young. Considering I have plans for a career and have had awful experiences with relationships in the past, I just don't see the appeal anymore. Yeah, crushes and boyfriends are nice, and pleasure is cool, but is it even worth it?"
"Never having sex has become my whole status — everyone thinks I'm a 'loser.' But is this status worth giving up a sense of security I've built for myself after years of being neglected? Do I really need to have some random ugly and disgusting person with ulterior motives to defile me in order to fit in with the masses, and make myself seem as 'cool' as my friends?
Sex has been so exploited in social media and so normalized to the point that I'm mocked for not participating in it. All I want is to meet someone who is like me for once instead of taking my clothes off for someone who added me on Snapchat.
I don't know — maybe I'm just tired."
6."Watching the man who I feel deeply in love with run after women who do online adult content. I saw his comments on Instagram and Reddit, as well as the responses from the women. I looked at all of them — their bodies, their faces, everything. And then I looked at myself. I don't know what happened, but it made me scared of intimacy. I crave intimacy, especially with him, but now...I don't think I want to be touched by a man again. I'm quite literally scared of it, and it makes me want to crawl out of my skin when I think about being intimate with another man again."
"Maybe it will pass after I have spent some time alone to take care of myself, but at the moment, I don't feel like being vulnerable with any man again."
7."Resentment. It’s hard to want to be physical with your partner when they can’t meet your basic needs in a relationship."
8."The constant request for anal sex when I hate it. Every fucking thing would lead back to wanting anal, but 'it's just a joke.' I hate men now — I utterly despise them to the core of my being."
9."Being asexual and figuring out that's why I didn't want to have sex with anyone. I participated on occasion with partners who wanted to, but it always felt like a chore. So, I'm thankful to have a fellow ace as a partner now."
10."I got dressed up, bought lace panties and such, and went and sat on his lap. He pushed me off. He said he was 'watching the game and didn't have time.' So I said to pause the TV — he just glared at me and asked, 'What's all this?' while looking me up and down. I was like, 'It's our anniversary' and he said, 'And?' I am single now."
11."Finding out he had a porn addiction. He defended his porn addiction and tried to rationally explain it to me like it’s just something he’s always done and I 'have to deal with.' It’s just too bad — I was already almost nine months pregnant at the time. I tried to get over it when I had postpartum, despite still not feeling good about it. He hit me in the face during sex without consent or warning. It put me off for good."
12."Constantly being let down by the men I’ve slept with. They didn't get hard 'easily,' and I felt like it was my fault. That's made me lose interest in sex, and makes me feel less desirable sexually."
13."The manipulative tactics. He said he 'needed it' X amount of times. It would’ve been nice to have been asked what I wanted. It made it feel like a chore, like something on a to-do list. Then he'd buy me multiple gifts (which I didn’t ask for). He'd hold that over my head and manipulate me into having sex. It made me feel the gesture wasn’t genuine — more of an insurance policy, as if I 'owed him something.'"
14."My ex didn’t initiate sex at all — it was the most lackluster sex. Sex almost felt like taking the seat next to a stranger on the bus. It was weird and awkward, and didn’t feel very good."
15."Telling them that I don’t like performing a specific act in bed, and them not believing me because every other woman they'd been with liked it."
16."Cancer complications from chemo surgery and radiation, issues with pain, a lifetime of chronic UTIs, and childhood sexual assault. It turned my libido into dust for a while. I dealt with the fear of pain and an inability to relax."
"My husband was really kind and patient about it, but it was up to me to restart things when my libido finally rebounded. I approached him and apologized for the loneliness and told him how much I missed him, and he was sweet enough to act like it was all in the past now (I finally understood intimate rejection in a way I had not been able to before, and I know he had suffered alone).
I felt lucky that he embraced the 'new me' without resentment for the past — he has been a really exciting lover."
17.And finally, "Being so overly objectified. I like being sexually appreciated, and I love sex, but honestly, there is a point where it goes too far, IMO. Like having a conversation with a fuck buddy, and he's too busy poking my boob rather than listening. And other such situations made me feel degraded. My most recent ex constantly reverted any conversation to sex, like literally anything. For example, I would be on my period, and he's trying to initiate sexy talk over messages even after I told him I'm on my period and I'm not in the mood for shit like that. Again, I felt like I wasn't a person, but an object."
"The last fuck buddy wouldn't listen to what I was into bedroom-wise and would push for things I didn't want to do.
Then, another guy I had a crush on had been trying to connect with me for a few years. Well, I put it off cause I thought I 'wasn't cute enough' to date him (I have issues after a severely abusive relationship a few years ago). I finally bit the bullet and messaged back.
One of the first things he said was he's getting over a relationship, and he's going to 'get over it' by getting on top of me."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
