20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Jan. 28 - Feb. 3)
Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.
Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
me: babe. Babe. BAAAABE!!!
husband: omg WHAT?!
me: the dog is doing something cute 👉👈— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) January 30, 2025
me: babe. Babe. BAAAABE!!!
husband: omg WHAT?!
me: the dog is doing something cute 👉👈
— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) January 30, 2025 ">
husband: omg WHAT?!
me: the dog is doing something cute 👉👈
When I say my husband has nerves of steel, I mean he chronically has his phone battery at 21% and is unfazed by it. The Lord had better intervene with this one.
— 📚🍄 L I Z 🍀🍓 (@LivedAHobbit) February 1, 2025
When I say my husband has nerves of steel, I mean he chronically has his phone battery at 21% and is unfazed by it. The Lord had better intervene with this one.
— 📚🍄 L I Z 🍀🍓 (@LivedAHobbit) February 1, 2025 ">
I am a tired dad to a 4-month-old baby and this morning I subconsciously blew a raspberry on my husband's stomach when I saw him lying on the bed shirtless and it's been 12 hours and we still haven't discussed it.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) January 31, 2025
I am a tired dad to a 4-month-old baby and this morning I subconsciously blew a raspberry on my husband's stomach when I saw him lying on the bed shirtless and it's been 12 hours and we still haven't discussed it.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) January 31, 2025 ">
Marriage: when wife finishes using bathroom sink, walks by humidifier, gets in bed, asks husband to get out of bed and fill humidifier with water from sink.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) January 29, 2025
Marriage: when wife finishes using bathroom sink, walks by humidifier, gets in bed, asks husband to get out of bed and fill humidifier with water from sink.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) January 29, 2025 ">
me: I can’t believe I’m finally home. It doesn’t feel real.
wife: *drops stack of mail in my lap* can you go through this?
me: ok, now it feels real— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 31, 2025
me: I can’t believe I’m finally home. It doesn’t feel real.
wife: *drops stack of mail in my lap* can you go through this?
me: ok, now it feels real
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 31, 2025 ">
wife: *drops stack of mail in my lap* can you go through this?
me: ok, now it feels real
My husband accused me of stealing the entire comforter last night, but that’s impossible—I was securely wrapped in my blanket burrito.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) January 31, 2025
My husband accused me of stealing the entire comforter last night, but that’s impossible—I was securely wrapped in my blanket burrito.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) January 31, 2025 ">
My husband always calls me "hun." People think it's a sweet little nickname, but it's actually short for Attila the Hun.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) January 31, 2025
My husband always calls me "hun." People think it's a sweet little nickname, but it's actually short for Attila the Hun.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) January 31, 2025 ">
My wife sent me to the store to pick up some soy milk. They were out so I purchased a reasonable substitute. I can't stand why she is annoyed about Oreos.
— Jew in a Canoe ✡️ 🎗️memoir now available! (@WillieHandler) January 30, 2025
My wife sent me to the store to pick up some soy milk. They were out so I purchased a reasonable substitute. I can't stand why she is annoyed about Oreos.
— Jew in a Canoe ✡️ 🎗️memoir now available! (@WillieHandler) January 30, 2025 ">
My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) February 2, 2025
My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) February 2, 2025 ">
my husband just ate 3 cupcakes in a row and tried blaming it on the kids “not liking those ones” sure pal
— kourtney (in hell) (@kourtneyinhell) January 29, 2025
my husband just ate 3 cupcakes in a row and tried blaming it on the kids “not liking those ones” sure pal
— kourtney (in hell) (@kourtneyinhell) January 29, 2025 ">
[me to my husband on his deathbed]
“You forgot to take out the trash”— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) January 29, 2025
[me to my husband on his deathbed]
“You forgot to take out the trash”
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) January 29, 2025 ">
“You forgot to take out the trash”
The kids both got invited to play dates today, so you know what that means *winks at husband* cleaning with no youtube noise in the background
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 2, 2025
The kids both got invited to play dates today, so you know what that means *winks at husband* cleaning with no youtube noise in the background
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 2, 2025 ">
My husband’s just had a meeting about meetings.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) January 31, 2025
My husband’s just had a meeting about meetings.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) January 31, 2025 ">
My wife is at a dental conference in Boston and sending me pictures of her dinner of lobster and oysters.
So, of course I’m sending her pictures of my dinner of cold SpaghettiOs from the can, and a room-temperature Coors Light.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 30, 2025
My wife is at a dental conference in Boston and sending me pictures of her dinner of lobster and oysters.
So, of course I’m sending her pictures of my dinner of cold SpaghettiOs from the can, and a room-temperature Coors Light.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 30, 2025 ">
So, of course I’m sending her pictures of my dinner of cold SpaghettiOs from the can, and a room-temperature Coors Light.
So my husband’s boyfriend’s boyfriend’s ex
- every New York City Gay in 2025— Juicy Jay Jurden (@JayJurden) February 1, 2025
So my husband’s boyfriend’s boyfriend’s ex
- every New York City Gay in 2025
— Juicy Jay Jurden (@JayJurden) February 1, 2025 ">
- every New York City Gay in 2025
Me: BABE GET IN HERE!
Wife in sheer panic: What?! Is everything okay?!
Me: FernGully is on Prime! LET’S GO!— N.J. Gallegos is Dr. Spooky 👻💉💊 (@DrSpooky_ER) January 31, 2025
Me: BABE GET IN HERE!
Wife in sheer panic: What?! Is everything okay?!
Me: FernGully is on Prime! LET’S GO!
— N.J. Gallegos is Dr. Spooky 👻💉💊 (@DrSpooky_ER) January 31, 2025 ">
Wife in sheer panic: What?! Is everything okay?!
Me: FernGully is on Prime! LET’S GO!
Who you are when you spouse goes out of town is the real you
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) February 2, 2025
Who you are when you spouse goes out of town is the real you
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) February 2, 2025 ">
My husband said I’m the most amazing woman on the planet. GEESH CRAIG WHAT ABOUT THE MILLIONS OF OTHER PLANETS?!? AM I JUST MEDIOCRE ON THOSE? I’m throwing up so much right now
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) January 29, 2025
My husband said I’m the most amazing woman on the planet. GEESH CRAIG WHAT ABOUT THE MILLIONS OF OTHER PLANETS?!? AM I JUST MEDIOCRE ON THOSE? I’m throwing up so much right now
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) January 29, 2025 ">
Let's get married and have kids so instead of doing fun stuff on the weekend we can go to a kid's birthday party where everyone coughs.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 1, 2025
Let's get married and have kids so instead of doing fun stuff on the weekend we can go to a kid's birthday party where everyone coughs.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 1, 2025 ">
After my husband has been in the kitchen: it’s closing (cupboards) time
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 29, 2025
