Canadian influencer shares what it's like to live with depression: 'I feel nothing'
Kenzie Brenna is opening up about mental health and how she's working on her emotional wellbeing.
Over the weekend, the Canadian influencer took to Instagram to share a candid message with her 381,000 followers about what it's like to live with depression.
In the post, the 32-year-old shared two side-by-side photos. On the left, she was pictured smiling while exploring the outdoors, while on the right she shared a tearful makeup-free selfie. The words "depressed" and "also depressed" accompanied the images.
In the caption, Brenna said that to her, depression feels like she's "dragging weights at the bottom of a glass pool" filled with beautiful things she cannot touch or experience. She went on to clarify that there's "a disconnect" between her mind, body and feelings.
"You know that there is goodness here to life but you cannot feel it. Like my mind is registering things but my body is hollow and there is a disconnect. I can see how incredible someone is but " don’t care to reach out to tell them or connect with them," she wrote. "I know getting up and going for a walk will be good but really why go? I’m going to be hollow the minute the walk is done anyways."
The content creator added that after she moved away from people she cared about, they stopped reaching out to her "because everyone is overwhelmed and sad themselves." She also shared that her "love" broke her heart "12 hours before" she stepped on the plane, which made her feel like disappearing.
The self-love advocate went on to explain that depression is a condition that needs to be taken seriously, saying it "forces a type of strength and fortitude from you."
"The ability to have those conversations in your head, to challenge yourself, to find joy in the most 'unhealthy' of things i.e. watching too much TV, sleeping too much and so on, is a wild ride honestly," she penned. "I could be laughing with my friends and simultaneously be in my head thinking I feel nothing. I want to be nothing."
At the end of her caption, Brenna revealed that she's "beginning to feel better," although progress is "non linear." She also shared things that helped her improve her mental health, including showering and brushing her teeth daily, watching "The Office," reading, making smoothies and "trying doing as much as whatever 'normal' Kenzie would do."
In the comments, fans opened up about their mental health and thanked Brenna for her transparency.
"I feel a lot of the same — in and out of waves of grief. I love you so much and will always be here for you," commented a follower.
"Thank you for your continuous honesty!" shared someone else.
"I'm feeling emotional reading this, because I'm experiencing the same. Thanks for speaking about this," added another. "This is so important."
This isn't the first time that the influencer has opened up about self-sabotage and being hard on yourself.
Last month, the social media star got real about body image, why we compare ourselves to others, and how this can impact your mental health.
"We often are the first ones to hate on ourselves. We look in the mirror and pick over every piece of our body and find every single thing about us that doesn’t fit in," she penned. "We compare ourselves to pretty fantasy photos on the internet, to girls and people who don’t even look how they do online."
The Vancouver-based creator also explained that although "beauty privilege is definitely real," people should remember they are beautiful and valuable no matter what you look like, or what they are dealing with.
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