Emily Cave Boit on finding love again after death of husband, former NHL player Colby Cave: 'I have a husband in heaven and a husband on earth'

When Emily Cave Boit married investment banker Colin Boit on June 7 in Malibu, Calif., she felt the intense presence of her first husband, NHL hockey player Colby Cave.

"I just felt this comfort from Colby," she says from her new home in California, where her husband took a job in Silicon Valley. "But it was also down to the little things. I don't drink beer, for example, but I remember the morning of the wedding there was a Bud Light beer in the garbage bin. Bud Light was Colby's favourite beer. I honestly have no idea how it got there."

Colby, who played for both the Edmonton Oilers and the Boston Bruins, died on April 11, 2020. The 25-year-old athlete suffered a rare brain bleed days earlier and had been placed in a medically-induced coma for four days. At the time of Colby's death, Cave Boit was also a newlywed — they had been married only eight months prior.

"I'll never understand it. There was an article at the time by the Toronto Star saying that 'Colby Cave's death was a result of very bad luck,'" she recalls. Colby had been born with a rare tumour that was never detected. "Unfortunately, that day the tumour shifted. The neurosurgeon told me that with how big it was, he wouldn't have lived long with it. Even if they operated, he said it probably wouldn't have done anything."

'What did I miss?'

In the beginning, she was angry because she couldn't understand why Colby died. "I was also frantic," she says. "I went through every little detail thinking, 'What did I miss?' It was the first thing I said when people called. I would say to Colby's teammates, 'Was he OK with you guys? What did I miss?' It was torture and I went through that for so long."

Cave Boit was set up with a therapist within 48 hours of Colby's passing. "I think it was so important especially with the situation I was in to have someone who was an outsider," she says. "As much as family and friends are there for you, they're grieving too, but they have a different type of grief."

Since Colby died during the early months of COVID, his funeral took place in May 2021, a year after his death. "I hadn't really seen any of Colby's teammates because of the NHL rules," she says. "We went back to one of the teammate's homes and a few of them encouraged me to start dating again. They said, 'We know you miss Caver — we all do. But you gotta get out there when you're ready.'"

Cave Boit's response? "'Fuck, no!'" she says. "I would get mad because it was like, 'Do you not get it? Do you not understand that I had this whole life planned and within a second it was gone?' I was like, 'I just can't do that.'"

Learning to begin again

Still, the conversation stayed with her. It would take months, but the nudge compelled her to invite a friend over and download the dating app Raya that December. Cave Boit was hesitant, but the exclusive app doesn't allow users to take screenshots of profiles or conversations. "That's when I matched with Colin."

Their first FaceTime was more than four hours long. "A lot of it was me talking about Colby," she remembers. Colin wasn't a big hockey person and didn't know much about it. The States is a bit different — he's more of a football guy."

The first thing Cave Boit did when she got off the call was text her sister and a couple of her best friends. "I told them Colby would be impressed with this guy. It was the first time that my mind was registering that there was a possibility to have someone special in my life."

At the time, Colin was living in Seattle. As fate would have it, Cave Boit had a trip planned to visit the city the following month to see some of Colby's friends who were playing for the Seattle Kraken. The two decided to meet for dinner.

After a few dates, Cave Boit decided to lay all her cards on the table. She told Colin she was looking for something long-term and didn't want to waste her time. "I didn't want to put myself out there and get hurt," she says.

Everyone around Cave Boit was supportive of the budding relationship. "My inner circle — including Colby's teammates — were very positive. ... I think it's still to this day the outer circle who cast the most judgment which can be so painful and tricky to navigate," she says.

Cave Boit says she believes when Colby passed away, she gained a team of brothers. "NHL guys are so protective," she says. "One of Colby's best friends from Boston met Colin right away. He was super impressed and I think what they all appreciated was that we could all talk openly about Colby and that it didn't take away our love for Colin."

'It comes in waves'

When Cave Boit and Colin married earlier this year, there were many "hockey people" in attendance. Colby's teammates, coaches and friends. Colby's billet family, the Larsons, were also in attendance. Billet families open their homes and provide support to players who have relocated for the hockey season. Colby lived with the Larsons during his time as captain for the Swift Current Broncos in Saskatchewan, prior to joining the NHL.

Cave Boit says she still talks to Colby's billet mother, Kim Larson, all the time. "I remember the text that I received from her the day I told her that Colby had died. She said that we were going to get through this together. On my wedding morning, she sent a message to me as I was getting ready that it was a bittersweet day for her. She said the family was passing the torch to Colin and that I was in good hands."

The grief of losing Colby can still be as poignant today as it was during those fateful four days in 2020. "I like to say that it comes in waves. There are days when you can manage it and there are days when you feel like you're drowning. Those four days can come right back in an instant,” she adds, snapping her fingers.

Cave admits there were a lot of triggers when the Edmonton Oilers played in the 2024 Stanley Cup Finals. "A lot of people were checking on me. There were quite a few tears."

It also reminded her that in losing Colby, she also lost a big part of herself. "That was my life for so long and it's quite literally your identity almost," she explains. "I dated Colby so young. ... so it was kind of like the 'hockey girlfriend' and then the 'hockey wife.' That's just what it is in professional sports. Then he passes away and all of a sudden it's 'Colby Cave’s widow.' There was a loss of who Emily is too, in a sense."

Growing through grief

Cave Boit has noticed a profound change in herself since Colby's death. "I'm much more 'go-with-the-flow' now," she says. "I don't sweat the small stuff and I'm less materialistic. You can't take all that stuff with you when you die."

Cave Boit says she is more accepting of the fact she'll never know why her husband was taken from her so young and so suddenly. "There's emotions that come with that and that's OK," she sighs. "But the anger isn't there as much." She says grief has given her the gift of compassion.

"I never thought I would become a widow at 26 and it's made me take on an advocate role for widows — particularly young widows," she says. "Talking with other widows who have suddenly lost loved ones helps."

Writing her book in 2022, For Colb: The Vow Beyond 'Till Death Do Us Part', was also therapeutic. "I wrote it so fast. I wish I had taken more time with it," she says. "But I said what I wanted to say and had the book be a conversation about grief. Even when Colby was in the hospital, I was always writing about the emotions I was feeling."

For Cave Boit, Colby is — and will always be — an active part of her life. She says she feels grateful to have had him in her life, even if their time together was short. "I wouldn't be married to Colin today if it weren't for Colby," she expresses emphatically. "Colby is part of the story of my life and I will always be very protective of him. The relationship doesn't just stop. The way I see it, I'm fortunate to have a husband in heaven and a husband on earth."

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