Lonely this Valentine's Day? A life coach on how to reframe the most loved-up day of the year
Valentine's Day is one of those celebrations that can unearth a variety of emotions that you might not have even realised you were feeling.
Whether February 14th highlights feelings of loneliness, a lack of appreciation from your other half or a longing to meet 'the one', you are most certainly not alone.
One glance at social media can make it seem as if you're the only one not being showered in gifts, cards and a romantic weekend away by the person of your dreams. But let me assure you, this is not true.
First of all, we all know that we can't trust everything we see on social media, and all posts (especially those professing unlimited happiness) must be taken with a pinch of salt.
Secondly, being in a relationship doesn't necessarily equate to happiness. So many of the feelings Valentine's Day brings up in us are linked to our mindset and the lense through which we view the world.
More from Hattie
Our focus on 'bettering' ourselves sets us up to fail
Ghosted at 50: Why is midlife dating so hard?
I totally changed my life – and this is what helped me settle in
As a confidence coach specialising in dating, it's my bread and butter to help others understand that life doesn't begin when you fall in love and that there are so many other ways to feel and experience love.
If you're feeling lonely this Valentine's Day, here are three mindset shifts to help.
1. Stop waiting - start living
I've lost track of the amount of times I've heard a brilliantly smart, funny, engaging client say: "I'd love to travel to X but I think I'm going to wait until I've met someone", or "I've been offered a new role abroad but I don't want to move alone, so will wait until I've got a partner to travel with."
As a confidence coach, this mindset crushes me. Life is far too short to sit around and wait for a plus one before you start living.
There is so much to see and do and achieve, and having a partner by your side is not the (only) reason to start living.
Don't be that person that sits around and waits. Be that person who has lived life to its absolute fullest, bursting with experiences and a bank full of memories made.
I didn't meet my husband until I was 33 and appreciate that I had the opportunity to do/see/experience so much before I met him. My life has been so much richer for it, and I'm grateful for the experiences I was able to have with my girlfriends, family and solo.
READ: 20 easy ways to show yourself love this Valentine's Day
2. Being single isn’t a death sentence
Society has led us to believe that being single is bad and being in a relationship is good. One equals loneliness and one equals happiness. For the many of us who have either been happily single, or in unhappy relationships, we can confirm this is absolutely not true.
If you're not with the right person, one with someone who doesn't treat you respectfully or share your values and goals in life, it's unlikely that you will be genuinely happy.
I know I was always much happier being alone than feeling trapped or coupled up with the wrong person. Don't let your family/friends/Instagram trick you into thinking you will only be happy once you've ticked the next box – whether that be having a partner, moving in together, engagement, marriage, first baby etc.
There is not a 'one size fits all' approach to happiness, and falling into this trap can be a slippery slope!
There are so many brilliant benefits to being single at any stage in life. It allows you to live life totally on your terms, giving you the freedom to make your own decisions and take control. Doing things alone and learning to find comfort and peace with that is so liberating and a huge confidence boost.
READ: Why you should absolutely treat yourself this Valentine's Day
3. Have trust that it will happen
Ask yourself – how would live your life differently if you had 100% confidence that you would, one day, meet your match?
This simple question can be so powerful in implementing changes in your everyday life. It's a question I challenge my clients with, and the answers are often eye-opening.
Clients have admitted they would travel more, take bigger career risks and simply say 'no' to things they didn't want to do. Overall the feeling is liberation, and I truly believe it comes from having complete confidence in knowing that whatever is meant for you will find you.
Whether you believe that to be true or not, adopting this mindset will make your every day feel lighter as you ease the pressure of trying to meet someone.
Don't forget, Valentine's Day is just another day. Once you let go of the pressure, comparison and negative thoughts around being single, all the worry will melt away. Have trust in yourself, be kind and don’t forget – you can buy yourself the flowers!
Follow Hattie on Instagram here and find out how to work with her here
