Older Adults Are Revealing The "Hard Truths" About Aging That Are Rarely Talked About, And My Twentysomething-Self Was Not Prepared To Hear These
Aging is certainly a privilege, but it still feels like society rarely prepares us for what it's actually like to get older. As someone who's nearing 30, I definitely have a lot of questions of my own. So, when we published stories from older adults on the harsh realities of getting older, I dug through the comments to find that the BuzzFeed Community had even more "hard truths" to share. Here's what they said.
1."'You're closer to the end than the beginning.' This is what really fucks me up. That and realizing my body is slowing down, and I'm not done with it yet — also, mental decline. I turned 46 this year, and realizing I'm closer to 50 than 40 has been freaking me out. I know I'm not likely to live a long life, and knowing it's more than half over is upsetting. I'm not done yet!"
2."I am in my late 40s. I have to get a calculator out sometimes and subtract my year of birth from the date to figure out how old I am. My grandma is 90, but my papa, father, and mother have all passed. I find myself struggling with contemplating what death will be like. I have all-out panic attacks trying to imagine what 'nothing' feels like. Yet, I can't get my head to stop thinking about it."
3."I'm in my mid-30s and was once more extroverted. I've lost close friendships — some just ghosted me, and others fell apart due to different beliefs and priorities. It used to make me so anxious, but now I'm thankful for those who stayed. I know my parents were right when they said you don't need a lot of friends, just a few good ones. I guess the friendships that survive are the low-maintenance ones since everyone has their own life to live. Some of my friends are married with kids, while I'm still single. I don't mind being a godparent to their kids, though!"
4."No one prepared me to grow out of a lot of my fear and anxiety and instead grow into a sense of calm. You stop trying to change things and start letting go of what doesn't work. Your patience wears off with obnoxious, toxic people and things, and you have more kindness left over for what matters. I'm known as a rock now to my friends and coworkers, someone who isn't fazed easily. Experience can be freeing; I've been through utter hell by now. Why would the small things matter when I've seen so much worse?"
5."How much taking care of your teeth matters. It's one of the most important things you can possibly do for your health. I had a cracked tooth 10 years ago, and that experience made me consistent and emphatic about brushing every day, flossing, and rinsing with the right mouthwash. Every. Day. Twice a day. It's six minutes of your day total, but it saves you DECADES of problems over time. My older sister is in her 40s and has been very neglectful with her teeth. It just cost her $16,000 to get gum disease cut out of her mouth, and she's going to be recovering for weeks from the surgery."
"She also has been consistently getting sick every few months, and the dentist and doctors agree it's probably due to neglecting her dental health. Her body is fighting infection constantly in her mouth, so it has little to spare to fight everything else.
She ended up with long COVID, suspected to be caused by her body's struggle to fight both. She's had COVID four times and consistently every RSV that's gone around. If she doesn't change her habits, she risks some of the infection in her mouth breaking off and going to her heart or traveling through her roots to her brain.
Not taking care of your teeth can cause a myriad of issues you never thought about. It's six minutes a day, and your teeth and gums don't heal or grow back when you've lost them."
6."I'm 54 now, and it is so true that everyone relies on us. We are at the sandwich phase of our lives, where our kids still need us, and our parents are starting to need us more and more. Add working full-time to it; it is pure and utter exhaustion."
7."It's so much easier to hurt myself now. I tore my ACL, stepping sideways into a row of seats on an airplane! Also, at 52, I'm now plagued by hot flashes and night sweats. Ah, the joys of perimenopause. My brain still tells me I'm young, but my body is giving me the middle finger!"
8."I took a new position at work five years ago that I felt would be no problem as I was already doing the job. Fast forward to now, and I find that I struggle to keep up with the daily mental grind. I remember old managers who just sat in the office all the time, and now I realize why. It takes all you got just to keep up."
9."Parenting later in life can be exhausting. I adopted my son as a single parent later in life. He was born when I was 41 years old. It's a far cry from having his two older brothers when I was 22 and 28. Yes, I feel like I have more patience and wisdom than I did in my 20s, but what I wouldn't give for even half the energy my younger self possessed."
10."You can wake up and suddenly have a new crippling disease. It can happen at any age, of course, but the older you are, the more likely it is to happen."
11."When you finally retire, you come up with a long list of things you want to do around the house, but it seems you don't have any interest or energy anymore. I find myself postponing what needs to be done. Only at that time of your life do you really understand what your parents felt when they aged. I wish I had been more gentle with them."
12."How quickly my vision is declining. I have always needed glasses/contacts, but now my close vision is going too. It seemed to happen overnight."
13."The older you get, the less people want to talk to you, including family. You become a burden, and the loneliness starts to creep in. You still want to do things, but your physical body won't let you. I am 68 and decided to change the oil in my motor home. Two days later, I had it finished. After rolling around on the ground and trying to get up the least painful way, I decided the extra $120 may have been worth getting the local garage to do it. Grandkids are the greatest, but parents can't be bothered to bring them around. You see less and less of your family, which works for them but not for the older folks. We are here and want to remain a part of society; mentors everywhere and full of knowledge, and no one wants to listen. So you stay quiet and lonely."
14."Paranoia! It didn't exist till I hit my 50s. Now, every time I don't feel well, I run to doctors to make sure I don't have the big C or heart and lung problems. You're just always worried you're running out of time, and your number is next!"
15."I turned 58 two days ago. My wife died almost five years ago, and I've found it impossible to get out there and try to meet someone because I'm a world-class introvert, yet I'm unbelievably lonely. The thought of trying to find someone new in today's world is frightening, to say the least."
16."The unnecessarily complicated technology maze. Nothing I try on the first attempt works; manufacturers assume intuitive qualities are present when all I want is something to click on when I click the 'on' switch. The iPad-sized instrumentation in new cars is needlessly complex and a dangerous distraction while driving. I just figured out how to use GPS navigation apps on my iPhone plugged into the cigarette lighter. (Yes, my car is that old.)"
17."Getting old is really tough, and the most difficult part of aging is not only the health issues but also the social environment. Most of your childhood friends are either gone or not active anymore, and that's how loneliness starts. Having kids in early adulthood may help sometimes. I'm 62 years old and healthy, but I miss lots of childhood friends, coworkers, my parents, and other relatives of my generation. My kids are the essential alternatives for my happiness even though we live a world apart."
18."Incontinence is common and a bigger problem than you may have thought. Also, incontinence products are expensive."
19."Movements that you could do without thinking as a young person can take you out. I demonstrated a cartwheel to my daughter a decade ago and thought I was going to die. My husband and I each took a turn on the Slip 'n Slide a couple of years ago and were sore from our eyebrows down to our toenails for over a week. I went to jump off a two-foot wall the other day and barely landed without hurting myself. I truly felt completely unstable. I'm not in terrible shape at all, but these little moments make me realize that my body is aging in subtle ways that I don't notice until it's too late."
20."At 62, and having been active and in construction my whole adult life, I felt it would be easy to stay fit. It's not; it takes consistent energy not to start hurting physically and mentally, straining to find ways to move and be active. I didn't expect this, but at 50, it slowly creeps up on you. The worst thing is that your mind still thinks you're twentysomething and invincible!"
21."I think one of the biggest is when you have to start calling out your own parents about the problems they cause. When you're younger, you just kind of go along with what your parents do, but once you have your own kids and you see your parents influencing them in ways you don't agree with, you have to set boundaries, and that is not easy to do sometimes. I'm not talking about major things like abuse or neglect but small stuff that bothered you as a child and you want to protect your own children from. I have had to have several difficult conversations with my parents over the last few years that I didn't really anticipate."
What are some "hard truths" about getting older that you believe should be talked about more? Tell us in the comments or fill out this anonymous form.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
