28 Glaring Relationship Red Flags That Weren't Enough To Deter Potential Suitors, But Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really Should've Been
Reddit user DEMOSTOCKED asked the AskReddit community, "What's the biggest red flag you've ever seen but ignored?" Hundreds of people filled the replies with the glaring red flags they noticed in relationships but chose to ignore (until the couldn't anymore). Here's what people revealed:
1."His mother told me not to marry him. She said if it were her, she would not wait for him because it would not be worth it. Three years later, I finally realized she was right and got divorced. She and I didn't always see eye to eye on things, but I wish I had believed her then. She knew her son better than me."
2."He got arrested on our first date."
3."He asked me to move in while ALL of his wife's clothes were still in the dresser and closet of the primary bedroom — bras, underwear, socks, shoes, and even her wedding dress."
4."We went to move in together, and he wasn't packed come moving day. I had to load my stuff up and help him pack his, and I found him playing on his phone while I was working. While unpacking, I found boxes from his previous move that he never unpacked, which contained empty water bottles and other garbage. We didn't work out."
5."He refused to introduce me to his parents and sister for so long during our first year together that I finally gave up asking. After all, we hung out with his brother sometimes, so that was fine, right? Finally, a family wedding came up, and I met them. He was furious that I told them we'd been dating for four years. He wouldn't let me see them again after the wedding. We broke up a few months later after he cheated on me. It turns out I was probably his side piece for most of our first year together, and that's why he didn't want anyone but his bro (who he was tight with), knowing how long we'd been dating."
6."Another girl called him on our first date."
7."He still lived with his 'ex' girlfriend. She wasn't his ex. He was dating both of us at the same time. He gave me this big sob story about how he had nowhere to live. I, being so naive, believed him."
8."When I first found out I was pregnant, he wanted to draw a chalk outline of me and gave me a year to get back down to that size."
9."I had a partner who would bring their gaming laptop with them when they would come to visit me, and they'd essentially ignore me 80% of the time. They would assure me that when we lived together, that wouldn't be the case, so I ignored it. It turns out that 80% of the time turned into 100% of the time after I uprooted my life to live with them. I wasn't even allowed to touch the guy for any kind of comfort, let alone anything else, during the odd hour he would allow us to be together maybe once a month. It's completely on me for ignoring the blatant red flags in the first place."
10."My partner of over a year didn't reach out to me for five days after I had major surgery. It was my first ever surgery, and one considered to be an amputation. Not a single text. I saw him through the very same surgery years before when we were only college roommates. When I reached out to him while still bed-bound and asked why the radio silence, he said he 'had his own stuff going on' with his mental health. Just like he always did. I've never felt as lonely as I did in that relationship. I stayed another year and a half before deciding he didn't care about me; he just wanted the security of a relationship, and I probably could have been replaced by anyone. I will never again date someone who isn't objectively stoked about me."
11."His friends told me to stay away from him. That should have been a giant red flag. But noooo, it only intrigued me more."
12."He tried convincing me it was MY fault he got a speeding ticket on his way to the grocery store because I didn't want to go with him."
13."He lived at his apartment for six months but had no furniture. Yet, he spent our whole date bragging about how much money he had in the bank. His excuse was he 'hadn't gotten around to it' because he works a lot."
14."He used to compliment other women in front of me. Not like, 'You look nice,' but, 'Damn, you look fine today!' or, 'You have a great body,' etc. I knew this wasn't normal, but he gaslit me whenever I brought it up."
15."I was with my ex for almost three years, and because of strange situations, I felt the need to search through his phone, and I found a message saved on Snapchat with his girl best friend saying that he wanted to see her naked. I talked with him about it, and he told me that he said that because his friend group was planning to go to a nudist spa. I believed him and forgave him."
16."I once dated someone who never drove to see me for over three years. I had to drive an hour to see him every weekend. I felt so alone and heartbroken the entire time we were together. I was exhausted from working 40+ hours a week and driving so much just to make it work."
17."I found out he was paying OnlyFans models while never contributing a dime to the home he lived in and continuing to stuff his gullet with home-cooked food."
18."My ex didn't know how to cook ravioli — just standard, cheap, supermarket ravioli. He was 25, still lived at home, and his mum did all the cooking and laundry. She also made him hot chocolate every night, turned down his bed, and bought him all his clothes. He was talking about marriage, so I told him he needed to move out of his home for at least six months before he asked. His mum also told me she'd had the choice of marrying two men. One was musical, like her, and made her laugh a lot, but she didn't regret marrying the other, as he was the sensible choice. I never saw her husband smile once while I dated their son, and I don't think that had anything to do with me."
"He eventually got married and moved to the town next to mine. My town is tiny, and I go to his area often. I bump into his wife occasionally at a mutual interest group. I knew her through the same group before they started dating. Every time I see her, I feel a jolt of panic, thinking it could have been me married to him. I want to ask if she's genuinely happily married, or is it just for show?
Our sons played the same sport a few years ago, and I'd see him every weekend. I hated it. He wasn't a bad guy. I wanted to break up, but he wanted to try and make it work. I think it only lasted a few more weeks before I realized nothing would change, and then he interrupted me, dumping him to dump me first. It didn't seem like a bad relationship at the time, just not the right one (and I had a much worse one after), but still, my reaction to him and his wife now makes me wonder what other red flags I overlooked."
19."They said, 'I accepted my ex's follow request and talked with her so that I could make her jealous about how good our relationship is going.'"
20."After being exclusive for a few months, he casually scrolled Tinder. He was so confused why I would be upset. He said I never said 'no Tinder.'"
21."He had papers in his car that listed personal items, and I soon realized it was the paper they use to detail when someone is arrested. The arrested person (a woman) had a different last name than he did but listed him as her husband. I confronted him, and he said, 'Oh, I'm just her friend.' Turns out they had been married for years."
22."In the first six months of dating him, he punched a car because he saw me talking to a friend of ours at a party. He also wrote me a detailed letter calling me every awful word he could think of. I dated him for five more years and was married to him for another four. Then, I got therapy and left him."
23."Any health issue I had was all about him. It wasn't about concern or support for me, but how it made him feel and how he needed comfort. It's messed up, actually, when I look back on it."
24."My boyfriend would tell me every day how I deserved so much more and was too good for him. Then, one night, while we were at a bar, he told me, 'he was not the man I needed.' I said, 'Nah, don't say that,' for another year. Next time a man tells me I'm too good for them, I will put on my running shoes and run away as fast as possible."
25."He liked memes about cheating on Instagram."
26."She told me it was okay to have sex because she was going to break up with her boyfriend in a few weeks."
27."She was always furious at something. Sometimes, it would be her dad, mom, friends, or work. Then, for seven years of marriage, it became me nearly constantly. Towards the end, I realized she was just angry at herself and projected it on everyone else. She refused to change, so I refused to be treated that way anymore."
28.And: "She told me she's very manipulative. Turns out she's very manipulative."
What's a red flag you clocked in a romantic interest but regretfully chose to ignore? What happened? Tell us in the comments or share your story anonymously using this form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
