"How Do You Politely Decline Paying For A Group Dinner?": People Are Sharing Helpful Tactics For Avoiding Confrontation When It Comes To Splitting The Check
We've all been there. You're out to eat with friends, and it is decided that the group will split the check evenly.
And, if you've ever been in a tight spot financially, you'll understand how nerve-wracking this can be — especially if you ordered something that costs significantly less than everyone else and just had water.
Well, one Reddit user is feeling a little guilty for refusing to split a dinner tab and is now asking other people if he was an asshole for doing so.
Here's the situation, explained by u/y2kdreamxoxo: "Last weekend, I went out for dinner with a group of friends. There were six of us, and we went to a pretty nice restaurant. I wasn’t that hungry, so I just ordered a small appetizer and a drink, which totaled around $15. However, most of the others ordered multiple courses, drinks, and desserts, with their meals adding up to over $50 each."
"When the bill came, one friend suggested we just split it evenly. That would’ve meant I’d be paying around $50, which is way more than what I ordered. I said I wasn’t comfortable with that and would rather just pay for what I had. A couple of friends were fine with it, but two others got annoyed and said I was being cheap and that it was easier to split it evenly. I stood my ground and only paid for my portion," he shared.
Now, if you're thinking that was the end of that...it wasn't. Later in a group chat with the friend group, here's what happened: "One of them brought it up again, saying I ruined the vibe of the night by being difficult over a few dollars and that splitting evenly is what friends do. I feel like it’s unfair for me to pay for everyone else’s expensive meals when I didn’t really eat much, but now I’m wondering if I was being stingy and making a big deal out of nothing," u/y2kdreamxoxo said, asking fellow Reddit users their opinion.
Right away, thousands of people flew to the comments to share their thoughts. "The only people who ever get offended by not splitting the bill are the ones who benefit from your charity. As a general rule of etiquette, I propose this: the only people who can suggest splitting the bill evenly are those who would be most harmed by it. When I’m out with friends and I’m feeling in the mood, I’ll offer to split it evenly when I know my actual share would have been less. When I know I ate or drank more than the rest, I keep my mouth shut and if someone offers an even split, I STILL say, well, at least let me cover the tip since I ate/drank more than you did. It’s common courtesy, and any real friend would know that."
"How the bill will be handled should be stated explicitly before anyone orders anything, to avoid confusion or being blindsided with a huge bill. As for 'that's what friends do,' no, friends don't take advantage of friends."
"Anytime I go out to eat with a group, we’re always super conscientious about how to split the check. And if we propose splitting it, we’ve already done the mental calculation of making sure everyone has had approximately similar apps/entrees/drinks/dessert so that we’re not putting anyone in the same awkward spot your friends put you in. And definitely, if someone were to speak up about it, right away, we’d acknowledge and find a way to make it more fair. Your friends had a chance to do the reasonable thing at the restaurant and got irritated instead. And then they dragged it out after."
It was clear that people sided with the original poster of the thread; however, several others brought up the following: "What is the deal with this trend? I keep reading these stories, and I have never — not once — been out with friends or anyone, and splitting the bill evenly has been a thing. In fact, when the waitress is asked for separate bills, it comes out with what you had or whoever you say is on your bill. If we split an appetizer or something, the price is split onto separate bills unless someone says only just put it on mine."
While splitting a bill really isn't a "trend" IMO (it has been around for as long as I can remember), it is just something that comes up — and sometimes can't be avoided if the restaurant is unwilling to split the tab. It can also make the server's job more difficult, especially on a busy night.
So, I jumped over to Quora to see if this question has come up. And, not surprisingly, it has — a lot.
Poor Lillian shared this experience, asking how she could politely decline to pay for group dinners in the future: "I sat with a group of 12 ladies at a very expensive, popular restaurant. It was a place to be seen, and the food was way overpriced. I ordered a tostada and one drink. The very small tostada was $20, and the drink was $30. It was not a meal and came with nothing else. Some of the ladies had several drinks and a full meal. When the bill came, the one who had the most said, 'Let’s just split the bill down the middle.' I was livid but said nothing. I paid $120 for a tostada and a drink. Never again. Do people not see how unfair it is to ask others to split a bill when they gorged and sipped it up? No! UGH!"
—Lillian, Quora user
Here are a few suggestions people had:
"When the waiter/waitress comes to your side to take your order, just say, 'Separate check for me, please.' You don’t need to say anything more."
—Linda Vee, Quora user
"I speak up in situations like that because I do not drink alcohol, and I refuse to subsidize other people."
—Sarah Madden, Quora user
"I have had to deal with this, too. I just tallied up what I owed and put it with the bill. I had to fight my feelings of being a cheap skate, but I knew I was getting taken advantage of and had to stop it. Others were happy I did it. The person who said let's split it knew exactly what they were doing."
—Debbie Glover, Quora user
"Splitting the bill depends on who you are dining with. We have different ways of doing this with different friends. For some of our friends, we take turns paying. One couple we're friends with, we ALWAYS split the bill down the middle. Even if it’s a little uneven — it evens out in the end. This time their bill is more than ours, next time ours might be more than theirs. It’s always close, though, and none of the four of us really care if we pay a few dollars more than our share. They’ve been wonderful friends to us for 35 years. When I lunch with my group of girlfriends, we have one tab, but we put in what we each owe, including tax and tip. For some groups, however, we'll ask for separate checks. We try not to do that very often because I think it makes serving our table more difficult for the server."
—Ronny Stewart, Quora user
And, lastly, a lot of people believe in this etiquette: "The rule is: You invite people to dinner, you pay. Unless you are upfront and suggest a group outing where you are going to all contribute to the bill. Then everyone knows exactly where they stand from the get go."
—Arlene Walsh, Quora user
Thoughts on all this?! Let us know in the comments!
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
