Sex Lives: A Guy Who Is Mostly Doing Phone Sex These Days
Michael Houtz
Sex Lives chronicles the evolution of one person's sexual history. This week: Cameron, 31, in Illinois.
I remember when we got our first home computer at our house, when I was around 10. One day I realized Oh, I can look up anything. So the only sexy thing I could think of to search was “Austin Powers Fembot.” I was a very good kid and looking up internet porn was really the only consistent problem my parents had with me. It was the family computer. And my dad was like, “I understand you’re curious, but your younger sisters use this computer, and I don’t want them accidentally clicking on something you might have left open,” or whatever. I do remember my dad had a Playboy in the garage with—I think it was Jenny McCarthy on the cover, which is such a lame first Playboy to see now, because she sucks.
I discovered [jerking off] on my own. I remember very well, I don’t remember what prompted me, but I just started touching myself one night and it felt good and I kept doing it. It was just trial and error of figuring out, Oh, this is how you do it. I remember at first, instead of using my whole hand, I just used my thumb and my pointer finger. I don’t know why because it’s so obvious you should use your whole hand.
I lost my virginity at 23, it was my last semester in college and it was winter and I had really bad seasonal depression. I was so sick and tired of being alone and not having had sex yet. I was so afraid that I went and had sex with an escort. I love sex workers, I’m not ashamed that I associated with a sex worker or anything, but I do wish my first time was with someone who liked me and not someone I paid to like. I did bring it up at one point that it was my first time. I never saw her again and the website I found her on doesn't have a profile anymore, so I'm assuming she's long gone.
I was a very shy and nervous person; I don’t put myself out there. I’ve never dated anyone in my life. I’ve only ever had intercourse with escorts. It’s not a regular thing I do. I think I’ve only had about eight meetings with escorts and only one of them I saw twice.
I told my best friend about the first woman because I was so wracked with Catholic guilt. And he's such a cool level-headed guy that his first question was, “Did you use protection?” and I said “Yes.” And he just said, “You’re not the only person on earth who has ever slept with an escort.” I remember very well thinking I’m never gonna do that again. That was a terrible idea; I shouldn’t have done that. And then a week later I went and saw someone else. Because I guess I’m just as dumb and horny as any other guy.
I mean, I was so nervous each and every time I saw one of these escorts that I couldn't really say that any of the times were that extremely enjoyable. The third one was very nice, she must have been 10 or 15 years older than me, very experienced, knew what she was doing. So that was nice.
I pick them based on if I think they're attractive in their pictures. Or, I don't know, if they seem nice. You don’t come across much in their pictures; you’re just looking at their pictures and their little bio that they wrote for themselves. Every time I saw someone it was an hour or maybe even a half hour because you know, I’m not that rich. I can’t reserve a whole evening with them, even though that would be nice. Every time I've done it I've met them at a hotel or maybe like an apartment that the service they work for owns.
It's usually so like, quick and you know, not to be funny, but very in and out. We just do our business and they very politely shoo me out the door afterwards. We’ve never really done anything crazy. This is going to sound so vanilla, but I’ve never really made out with anyone. I remember the last escort I saw, I think three years ago now, she asked me up front, “What do you want to do?” and I said, “Could we make out?” and she laughed a little bit at me like that was a silly but cute thing to ask, and then she said, “No, we’re not gonna do that.”
I watch porn. I’m subscribed to a few OnlyFans accounts. I think I have gotten like a few custom videos from porn stars. But mostly these days I call phone sex lines because it’s within my budget and I like how personal it can get. I’m talking to someone and they're responding to me. It's not like just looking at a still photo or a porn scene. At a certain point I wanted something more personal and phone sex can get that for me.
I certainly dirty talk a lot more intensely with phone sex. I was just quiet as a mouse with escorts because it’s one thing to have to look someone in the eye and say dirty things and another to say them over the phone. I really enjoy being dominant during phone sex because I'm so quiet in life and belittle myself enough as it is that I like to, you know, be aggressive in my dirty talk during phone sex. I do it at least once or twice a week, but I should probably cut down.
There’s a website I use where all these women have profiles that say what they think they’re good at or whatever and they have what I’m assuming are not real pictures. It’s a trial and error thing where I'm like, oh, that person like, felt like they were phoning it in or I connected with that person. At this point I have regulars that I’ve called for years now.
The fifth escort I saw, she kissed me at one point. We didn’t make out but she kissed me, and I was a bit surprised by that because none of the other escorts before her kissed me. And she registered my surprise and was like, “Oh is that all right?” and I was like, “Yeah, that’s great. I’ve never kissed anybody before.” So we kissed for a few more seconds and then she started undressing and we moved to the next thing and as she was undressing, she paused and looked at me and said, “By the way, you’re a good kisser,” and she made like a “oh, come on” face. It was so funny to me. It seemed like she dropped the act of being a sexy escort for a second to level with me and say like, don’t worry man, you’re all right.
The first two escorts I was with kind of promptly shooed me out the door after we were done, so the third escort, I was getting dressed thinking like, all right, I know the drill I need to leave. But then she said, “Hey wanna hang out for a minute?” and we just hung out in bed naked. I’d mentioned to her that I’d only had sex with escorts so she pulled up the website and she pointed to the other women like, “She’s nice, she’s really great, she’s mean.” It was really nice to just lie in bed and talk for a minute.
Originally Appeared on GQ
More Great Wellness Stories From GQ
Why a VO2 Max Test Reveals So Much About Overall Health and Longevity
The Best High-Protein Snacks for Hitting Your Macros on the Go
How Zac Efron Bulked Up for His Wrestling Debut in The Iron Claw
The Real-Life Diet of Death Cab for Cutie’s Ben Gibbard, Who Runs 100-Mile Races When He’s Not on Tour
Not a subscriber? Join GQ to receive full access to GQ.com.
