I Was Stressed About Creating Holiday Magic For My Daughter. Then I Moved To The Netherlands.
When I thought about having kids, memories of the holidays added to my anxiety around the decision: namely, the amount of money I saw my family spending to create that festive cheer.
My parents, especially my mom, made sure everyone had presents under the tree, the house was full of decorations, and the table overflowed with the season’s food. My dad ensured we had new outfits. Together, my parents created a holiday environment that felt like pure magic.
But behind the scenes, I now realize the holidays were their busiest and most financially draining time. From shopping mall runs for decorations early in the season to those frantic, last-minute Christmas Eve trips for forgotten presents, it was a lot.
Unfortunately, this expectation to go all out during the holidays isn’t unique to my family. Data from the National Retail Federation shows that Americans spend more on winter holiday gifts and celebrations than on other holidays. In 2024, they are set to spend more than they have in the past five years, setting a new record with an average of $902 per person. The data shows that 33% of consumers reported feeling stressed about holiday spending, up from 25% in 2020; nearly 29% said they feel anxious, and 27% reported feeling overwhelmed, according to the latest Experian survey.
I wanted to give my child holiday moments just as I’d had them growing up, but I needed to find alternatives that didn’t add financial and emotional pressure. Now, as a new mom raising my child in The Netherlands, I’ve embraced unique Dutch traditions that ease the season’s financial strain and emotional labor. Here’s how:
Give Fewer, More Thoughtful Gifts
In the Netherlands, Christmas as we know it isn’t typically a gift-heavy holiday. Instead, the focus is on celebrating Sinterklaas or Sint Nicolaas (Saint Nicholas) on Dec. 5, which revolves around giving mostly chocolates, candies, cookies, and small, thoughtful gifts to kids over time. Sinterklaas is often infused with humor and creativity that children get to show when they write playful poems or draw pictures for him, in exchange for their gifts.
Adults often skip gift-giving altogether or adopt a “lottery” system, where each person draws a name and buys a single gift for that individual, typically staying within an agreed-upon budget. Loviisa Maasson, a mom of two and the Founder of Näpp, a company that connects families in the Netherlands with experienced babysitters, told HuffPost, “For Sinterklaas, all the kids get a few small gifts from family members, and adults just give one gift through the lottery. It’s not just about the financial aspect; it’s about being conscious of what we’re teaching kids. You don’t have to shower them with gifts for them to feel joy or excitement.”
This emphasis on simplicity extends to the broader Dutch culture. “Kids can be happy with two gifts, and that’s already more than enough. It’s not about how many presents they receive but about the joy and thought behind them,” Maasson explained.
Embrace Secondhand Gifting
When I moved to the Netherlands, one of the first cultural shocks I had was how normalized and widely accepted secondhand gifting is. In many other countries, secondhand items carry a stigma, but they’re seen as thoughtful and even practical options here.
“I received baby clothes from friends, and they openly told me, ‘I found this at a secondhand shop.’ At first, it felt unusual because, in places like Indonesia and Singapore, where I previously lived, secondhand gifting isn’t really part of the culture,” Cynthia Lillyana, a first-time mom who moved to the Netherlands in 2020, told HuffPost.
This year, Lillyana has fully embraced the practice. She said she’s searching for holiday gifts for her family and friends by looking into secondhand marketplaces and apps, noting that many items are in excellent condition, some even brand new.
Second-hand gifting helps relieve financial pressure, especially for new moms. “You’re already juggling so much — lacking sleep, maybe a bit behind at work, and feeling the pressure to give presents to your friends and family. This is one way to make the holidays less stressful,” says Lillyana.
Think About Practicality
What I’ve experienced is that practicality is deeply rooted in Dutch culture, and this perspective brings a refreshing approach to the holidays. Instead of valuing gifts based on price, the Dutch usually emphasize thoughtfulness and practicality, which helps alleviate gift-giving pressure.
That means choosing gifts that serve a purpose, as Lillyana noted. “In tropical climates where I’ve lived before, we didn’t need things like winter baby clothes or specific types of gear. Here, friends and relatives gave me boxes of pre-loved clothes, which not only saved us money but also taught me what we actually needed for the seasons.”
Use The Holidays To Reinforce the Values You Want Your Kids to Have
One of the most significant differences I’ve noticed is how much parents here use gift-giving to reinforce the values they want to instill in their kids. For Audra White, a mom of two teenage daughters living in the Netherlands, the holidays are an opportunity to teach mindfulness, sustainability and intentionality. Having grown up in a consumer-driven culture, she’s consciously tried giving her children a different perspective on what the holidays represent.
“I stopped giving gifts over a decade ago, except for my daughters,” White told HuffPost, adding that she follows a simple rule for their presents: “Something they want, something they need and something they can read.” This intentional approach helps her focus on thoughtful, meaningful gifts without entering the overconsumption cycle.
White emphasizes the importance of family, community, and shared experiences. This year, she’s taking her daughters to Brussels for the holidays, challenging their attachment to the familiar tradition of staying home with pancakes under the Christmas tree. “They weren’t thrilled at first,” she admitted. “But I want to create new experiences and show them that the holidays aren’t about material things — they’re about the time we spend together and the memories we create.”
