'The Golden Bachelor' ended in divorce. Ahead of 'The Golden Bachelorette,' here's what to know about 'grey divorce'
Divorce later in life is on the rise in Canada.
After years of 20- and 30-somethings being featured on reality television on quests to find love, the first installment of The Golden Bachelorette is set to take over primetime. Premiering Sept. 18 at 8 p.m., the series will feature bachelorette Joan Vassos alongside 25 men looking for love. The 61-year-old widow's journey comes after she appeared on the first season of The Golden Bachelor with Gerry Turner, before she voluntarily withdrew to prioritize family.
And while The Golden Bachelorette and The Golden Bachelor may shine a spotlight on dating later in life, they also shine a light on divorce. Several contestants on the shows have experienced separations themselves.
Turner's season might've ended with the 73-year-old retired restaurateur marrying 71-year-old Theresa Nist, but the twosome's love story didn't end with happily ever after. Five months after their televised wedding earlier this year, the former couple finalized their golden divorce.
It's a tale familiar to Christine Dafoe, a Canadian in her mid-60s who never thought she'd leave her marriage of 41 years. Despite telling Yahoo Canada earlier this year her separation was "scary," it also came as a relief — especially as she began prioritizing herself and her own happiness.
"It was getting really toxic and controlling. There was emotional abuse going both ways, but he blamed me for everything," she said. "And so we separated." Dafoe is one of many Canadians who are choosing to divorce later in life, in what's sometimes referred to as a "grey divorce."
Grey divorce is on the rise in Canada
For Dafoe, she continued to live with her ex-husband for more than a year, which she says was difficult. On top of that, there were the financial stressors that came with separation. But having the support of her family, who had "seen the signs" before she did, was reassuring.
According to Statistics Canada, the average age of marriage in 2019 was 35 years old, meaning people were choosing to marry at a later age than decades ago. Similarly, more data shows divorces are occurring at increasingly older ages. In 2020, the average age of divorce was 46 years old.
From 2010 to 2020, there's been a nearly 80 per cent rise in divorced Canadians over age 65, according to Statistics Canada. Experts attribute this rise to reasons like decreased stigma on divorce and marrying later in life. Some have added there are unique challenges for those who divorce at an older age.
However, Statistics Canada noted the "rise of grey divorce in Canada, which coincided with the arrival of the baby-boom cohort into this age group, was however quite modest compared with the doubling of levels observed in the United States over a similar period."
Yahoo Canada spoke to experts to get insight into the rise of grey divorces and what someone might expect if they are divorcing at an older age. Here's what you need to know.
Why are people getting divorced later in life?
Grey divorce refers to the phenomenon of divorce among couples over the age of 50. These divorces often occur after decades of marriage and can present unique challenges related to financial security, retirement planning and emotional adjustment.
The rise of grey divorce can be attributed to factors such as longer life expectancies and changing attitudes towards marriage and divorce. However, Montreal-based divorce coach and researcher Ravit Rose said sometimes it's as simple as not feeling a connection anymore.
She added because there is less stigma towards divorce and people feel like it's more of an option now, people might very well want to try to be independent and leave arguments or disagreements behind: "They start to realize that one has evolved much faster than the other one, and because they're not evolving at the same level, that disconnect causes them to want a divorce."
Of course, she noted there are also a myriad of other reasons why people choose to separate.
What makes grey divorces so difficult?
Rose is also the founder of the Irooze Divorce Community, where she and her team study the science of "nasty divorces" compared to "amicable divorces." After clients fill out an assessment, they are offered a consultation and referred to professionals who specialize in divorce.
For the women over age 50 she has seen in the past six months, she said about half of them have no income and no separate savings account. "When they're talking about getting divorced, their biggest worry is that they're not financially independent," Rose said. "They [say] things like, 'I feel petrified, I'm uncomfortable, I'm sad, I'm angry.'"
After decades of marriage, finances are often deeply intertwined. Untangling assets, pensions, retirement accounts and property can be complex and may require the assistance of financial advisors or legal professionals.
Splitting assets can also have significant implications for each spouse's financial security in retirement. In 2018, Statistics Canada reported senior women aged 65 and over are more likely to live in low-income households than their male counterparts.
Rose said the women who reported in their self-assessment as feeling more optimistic about their divorces were those who may have been the main income earners or felt more financially independent.
Other challenges for those going through a grey divorce include rebuilding social networks and support systems, navigating adverse effects on physical and mental health and finding new living arrangements.
Dafoe, who sold her shared property with her ex-husband last November, founded a group called Senior Women Living Together. It's a platform where participants living in Ontario can create a profile and try to find compatible roommates.
Arrangements like these can relieve financial stress from separation while building new networks and friendships. Dafoe said although it can be scary, moving in with the ladies she met in the group was something she was looking forward to.
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