16 Women Who Are Either Living In Total Marital Bliss Or Complete Hell
Recently Reddit user ballofsunshine12 asked women of the AskWomen subreddit community, "How’s life after getting married?"
Welp, they didn't hold anything back, and confessed what marriage is truly like after getting married. There are many ups, downs, and everything in between, giving folks full insight into how the relationship evolves.
So, here's what life is like after getting married according to women:
Note: This post contains subjects of domestic abuse and mental illness. Please proceed with caution.
1."We've been married for 19 years, and it's quite miserable now. The first decade was great — the 'newness' of the marriage and kids coming into the picture. It was great until it wasn’t. We had three kids under the age of five, and he was in the army. It was very hard for me to be able to prioritize EVERYONE. As a wife and a mom, we want to make sure everyone gets taken care of, but you get burnt out. When you’re home with the kids, by the end of the day, you give what you have left to your spouse. I didn’t have much left at the end of the day."
"He was medically retired from the army unexpectedly and abruptly. I worried about money and housing. He was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder — I focused on the wrong things.
He struggled to find a job — due to loss of identity, I viewed it as 'laziness.' He didn’t communicate with me. I got a job, and while giving myself to the job, kids, and what was left to him, I neglected myself. The things I did were never appreciated.
He shit on my salary because his VA check was bigger than my paycheck (even though it wasn’t enough for our family). Resentments were built on both ends, and things spiraled from there.
I did the best that I could with what I had, which, in hindsight, wasn’t much. We went back and forth on the idea of divorce (neither of us actually wanted it or did anything about it). Then, he became distant.
Last year, he told me he was sleeping with someone else. He claims it wasn’t cheating because we agreed to divorce. But nothing was filed, and he was still living at home. He’s still with that woman, and I moved out two months ago.
If I’ve learned anything, it's to communicate and understand what your spouse is saying and to prioritize yourself. You cannot give your best to anyone if you are not at your best.
2."It was perfect until we had fertility issues. As a result, he has gone backward with his maturity levels and wants to act like an early-twenties guy who has no responsibility and can do as he pleases. So, yeah, we've been married for six years and together for 17."
3."Married for seven years, no kids. We don’t have as much sex as we did during our first two years of marriage, but we still respect and love each other very much. I’d say we definitely became more mature. We still give each other plenty of personal time for our hobbies. The only downside I’d say is somehow I became obsessed with housework and less interested in my career, and he spends more time on video games. I don’t resent it, though, just a bit of regret we aren’t career try-hards anymore like we used to be."
"Woah, same experience with the career! We were both career try-hards, and I was super ambitious. Now, I've taken less interest in my career and am leaning more heavily on more 'traditional' wife and housework duties, and I love that, tbh. He is having a hard time with it because he told me one of the things he loved about me was my ambition…eeeek."
4."I’d say our relationship has gotten worse since I was pregnant with my first child. It wasn’t until I was trapped that I fully realized that my husband wasn’t supportive of me. He is supportive of his own family and would choose them over me in a heartbeat. This created resentment on my end, and in turn, I don't feel close to him like I used to. I now know where I stand with him, and I don’t really see us much as a family unit anymore because of the way he acts. It's his family vs. me."
"Also, if it weren’t for me coming up with things to do outside of the home, I don’t think we’d ever go anywhere.
I'm also the 'default parent.' I take our daughter places, do her bedtime routine, and read to her to help her develop language. I’m not having a great time with him, but it is what it is at the moment."
5."We fought a lot right after we got married. We were young, still figuring ourselves and each other out. But soon, we calmed down, learned to understand each other, and picked our battles. We've been together for over a decade now, and I couldn’t be happier. I feel very fortunate to have someone in my life who perhaps knows me better than myself and puts me above himself."
6."We've been together for eight years and married for two — we don't have kids, and it's awesome. I have a real partner. We’ve settled into a nice routine that works for us. We're still madly in love. We’re looking at a second home abroad right now and hoping to retire early so we can keep having adventures together."
"I do see a lot of unhappiness in my friends’ marriages, though. There are a lot of discrepancies in labor and responsibility. I have four friends in the midst of divorce, and one seriously considering it. Some men think it comes from nowhere, but for years, I’ve heard how they don’t carry their share of the household duties/childcare and how unattractive that makes them.
My good friend is teetering on the edge, and my husband keeps convincing her to go back (he and the husband are best friends). I keep telling her to leave and be happy. If this has taught me anything, it’s less important who you marry and way more important who you have kids with.
The friend without kids who is getting divorced is certainly sad/distraught, but they’re not wasting thousands of dollars on family lawyers. What a mess."
7."I got married at 19, and I’m now 51. I've been with him since I was 14 years old. We had our first kid at 19, our second at 22, and then our third at 25. I've never really thought about how it is or isn’t, tbh. We even work together driving road trains. We do everything together, and nothing is an issue."
"It’s so lovely to hear that people have been together for a long time! I’d say it’s pretty rare nowadays 😌."
8."I was married for over 20 years and had regrets within days and really should have quietly had it annulled. He was dishonest about who he was and turned into a completely different person as soon as we got married. It just got worse from there. It was me putting out fires, me doing most and eventually all of the housework, solving crisis after crisis he created, watching our bank account get drained over and over while he blew through money drinking and buying hobby crap we couldn't afford. I finally divorced him when our kids were over 18, so they didn't become pawns in all of this. They have both disowned him."
9."[He started abusing me after our honeymoon]. I left. It's the weirdest thing ever. A lot of people say things don’t change, but with someone who already has red flags or things you think they’ll grow out of with age, those things get way worse after marriage."
10."We’ve been together 12 years in December — my husband is the best man I’ve ever met, and even that assessment is an understatement. He loves laughing, and he’s quick to smile. We go on little adventures frequently, and he understands when my health can’t hold out. He doesn’t pressure me to do anything that sucks — he doesn’t pressure me to do anything EVER. If there’s a disagreement, we have a conversation, and we both become happier."
"He’s literally had to take care of me. After my mom died, my 26-year-old husband, who had never experienced even a single death in his family, bundled me up and drove me to my doctor because I stopped engaging with life. They chose to sedate me until the antidepressant could begin to work.
This man bathed me, fed me what little he could get me to eat, and drove me around in the cold of winter until I cried myself to sleep.
When my doctor told me last year I had major heart damage, I gave up — but my husband didn’t. I’m on the path to being well, and he’s the reason for it — anything my doctor tells us to do, he jumps in and says, 'We can do this!'
When I say he’s brave, it’s not only the truth but an action he chooses every day of his life for us.
He’s also incredibly handsome, has a beautiful smile and voice, and listens fervently to any bedroom request. Getting married worked out splendidly for me."
11."We dated for three months and have been married for 15 years. Life has been extremely hard at times. I've developed severe depression over the past few years (from child loss back in 2021). I've had several miscarriages in the past and had a stillborn birth in 2011. So it's been hell for us. I will say that being with my husband has made me very grateful and happy. I'm very grateful that even though I'm not the same person he married 15 years ago, he still chooses me every day. Every time we go out on a date night, I love holding arms with him because I'm very flattered to be his wife."
12."It's been amazing. We've been married for two years, together for seven, and best friends for 11. We both work from home, have the same friend group, have the same hobbies, and I still wish we had more time in the day together. We both feel more secure since getting married, politically speaking (we're lesbians, and my wife isn't from the country we live in). While I've had several significant family losses since we got married, her family has consistently reminded me that I'm part of theirs as well. My marriage really makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world."
13."We've been married for 20 years. We were both in our thirties when we met; neither had ex-spouses or kids. We have one child now, and she will be off to college this fall. My husband is a great spouse and dad. Our daughter told us we set the bar very high for what a marriage should be — life is good."
14."Why do I have to do more than him? Why do I have to work but also take care of the mental load and kids and house? And answer ridiculous questions all day long? I love who I married, but gosh, sometimes I just don't want to be 'in charge.' When I was single, I had so much more headspace and freedom."
15."I've been with my husband for 13 years, married for two, and have two very young children. Marriage changed nothing. Getting the wedding over and done with was a huge relief. My anxiety over the day of (in the midst of COVID and having potential cancellations, etc.) was so much. I was so happy when it was done, and we could go back to 'normal.'"
"Children were the game changer. Nothing tests your relationship quite like children. For whatever reason there seems to be a significant amount of men who don’t play an equal role in their partnership. But my husband is top-tier.
Children were a test for us, but we’ve become better at communicating because of them. We’re in the thick of it now, and hopefully, as the years go by, we get stronger and stronger."
16.And finally, "I thought it was fantastic until he secretly started to debate with himself whether he wanted to be with me or not, and he full-on fucked someone else. I sacrificed to be where I am because it meant being with him. I regret them all. Now I’m stuck with him until I can unfuck myself in this cold area. I don’t recommend [getting married]."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
