"This Has Taken Me Years And Years And YEARS To Figure Out": This Woman's Clever Way To Tell If Someone Is Your Real Friend Is Being Called The Most Accurate Thing Ever
A woman named Pauline Kulka has recently been generating a lot of conversations about friendship on TikTok.
In a TikTok that has over a million views and thousands of comments, Pauline shared what she believes to be the number one way to tell if someone is your real friend or not:
She explains, "Here's how to tell if someone is your real friend, and I say this because some of you really need this piece of advice right now, and this has taken me years and years and years to figure out. I'm very blessed to have a lot of real friends, and I've only come across a couple of women who did not have good intentions and secretly hated me when we were friends. So let's get into it."
"I think what we intuitively do to check if someone is a good friend or not, is we look for the way that they show up when things are bad. Like, if we're having a hard time or something terrible has happened to us," she continues.
"Obviously, your real friends are going to be the ones who are there, and they will lift you up. But I also think that sometimes your bad friends are the ones that are also there because: one) they know that that's what a friend is supposed to do — or two) some of them might have a savior complex, or they just want to be the one to help you and fix you and look good... And it's a little bit manipulative. So I don't know that that's always the best marker but sometimes it is. Sometimes bad friends just will not be there for you at all when something bad happens to you, but I think that the better marker for whether or not somebody is your genuine friend is actually to observe the way that they show up for you when something good happens in your life..."
"For example, you get engaged, you're sharing it with the world, and everyone's so happy — so excited for you. But this person might say something like, 'Oh, finally,' or 'It's about time.' It will always be a backhanded comment, or they'll downplay the accomplishment. Like, if you do something pretty incredible, they'll be like, 'Oh, well, it's not that hard to do anyway,'" she elaborated.
"Third thing is they'll find a way to make it about themselves. Somehow, it's like, 'Oh, these things keep happening to you, but everything's really hard for me, it's not fair...' They will twist it somehow and find a way to suck the joy out of a good thing for you. So I highly encourage you — when something good happens to you — to start observing your friends because it's a really great way to know who is there and who is cheering you on versus who secretly hates you."
"And, I hate to break it to you, but I think that this not only applies to friendships but it might also apply to your partners. Like, if your partner secretly hates you, they will try to ruin a good thing for you," she concluded.
In a nutshell, Pauline was saying the best way to tell if your friend is a true friend is to watch how they show up for you when something GOOD happens in your life, not when something bad happens.
Immediately, people who had experienced bad friendships agreed this method works:
For example, when people discovered who their real friends were after they stopped drinking:
And during big moments in their lives, they were able to truly discover their real friends:
Getting married and engaged was one of the top "life events" that made people realize this:
So many women found out who their true friends were after getting engaged:
People also opened up about sad realities they've experienced in their friendships.
And how to pinpoint bad friends right away:
Overall, people really related to what Pauline said about friendship and thought it was a good topic of discussion:
BuzzFeed spoke to Pauline, who is the co-founder of AVEIL, a luxury rental service for brides.
She said she decided to make the TikTok after recently reflecting on the incredible friendships she has in her life. "In doing so, I realized this common thread: true friends are not only there to offer support during challenging times, but they also consistently celebrate my successes — big and small — as if they were their own. Their genuine joy and unwavering support, both in triumphs and trials, inspired me to share my insights," she said.
"As the co-founder of AVEIL, the first-of-its-kind luxury bridal rental company, I've learned a lot about the importance of genuine support. Some friends were incredibly excited for the company's success, while others seemed less invested as things grew. This experience highlighted the value of surrounding myself with people who truly celebrate your wins. Being an entrepreneur is not easy, so It's important to have a circle that cheers you on," she added.
And Pauline believes one of the most crucial qualities in a good friend is unwavering support. "In today's increasingly connected yet often isolating world, I believe genuine human connection is more important than ever. I'm grateful that my content resonates with others and that I can offer a platform for meaningful discussions about friendship, relationships, and personal growth," she concluded.
