Millennial And Gen Z Parents Are Sharing The Parenting Problems They See Most Often With Fellow Parents Of Their Generation
On today's internet, there is so much inter-generational smack talk, especially when it comes to parenting. And yes, it can get very toxic. BUT... we all know it's endlessly fascinating to read people's snobby parenting opinions, and we all have them!
So, in the interest of hearing some ultra-juicy judgemental thoughts, I wanted to focus on some intra-generational parental smack talk. To that effect, I decided to ask Millennial and Gen Z parents in our very own BuzzFeed Community to tell me all the parenting problems they see most often within their own generation. Here are their answers:
1."Can we talk about the helicopter parenting that is happening these days? My favorite memories as a kid were going to my friends' houses and hanging out. Our parents were somewhere in the house, but not constantly watching us, and it was the best. This doesn't happen anymore, and I miss this for my child."
"I allow my 7-year-old to do school dropoff without me walking her into the school, and the other parents at my kid's school think I'm crazy and too 'free range' for not walking her in. If my child is capable of doing something herself, I feel it's my responsibility as a parent to grant her that freedom and responsibility.
I want her to be self-sufficient and know that I trust her to do things herself."
2."Parents who let their toddlers be the boss with little to no boundaries. There's a family at daycare that leaves around the same time we do. Every day, they have to wait and wait to leave until their child, 2.5 years old, is 'ready.'"
Pop TV / CBC Television
"One time, their kid went into the car and started climbing around from car seat to trunk to driver's seat and started pushing buttons. The mom looked at me defeated and said, 'When he's ready to go, we'll get to go home.'
She told me sometimes she waits an hour while he plays around and then he starts getting crabby because he's late for dinner and their whole evening is off the rails with tantrums. She asked how I get my son of the same age to listen. Ma'am...with rules and boundaries!
Yes, I let him have a few extra minutes in the toy aisle at Target when we have time. But that's an exception, not the rule. Letting your child do whatever they want will not lead to a healthy and adjusted young adult who pays attention to the needs of others... or respects them."
3."Gen Z is old enough to have kids, and the permissiveness I see with some parents is absolutely insane. While I think many parents of this generation are doing a great job unpacking trauma and not projecting [it] onto their kids, which will save a lot of generational issues later on, I see many parents swinging too far in that direction."
"They think that in order to save their kids from resentment they feel towards their own parents, they have to act like their children's best friends.
Your job as a parent is to teach, protect, and discipline. This prevents children from learning maladaptive behaviors later on.
Even though it may be painful to see your baby have to take rejection and adjust things about themselves, that is part of life and parenting. Your kid can’t go around their whole life getting everything they want and doing everything they want to do. Kids are short-sighted, selfish, and inexperienced. It is up to you to show them the way."
4."People don’t teach their kids 'no' anymore. A lot of the kids' bad behaviors these days is merely never being told 'no' or having boundaries."
NBC
"Parents get their kids 'label’ and think it excuses them of any bad behavior because that’s ’just the way they are’. And parents just leave the iPads with their kids far too much.
The kids suffer long-term. You’re trying to ensure they grow up into decent adults, and the lack of boundaries and constantly being shoved on an iPad is not the way forward."
5."We are way too hard on ourselves, and each other. We overcomplicate everything. More than ever, parenthood is a choice rather than something you 'just do,' and the people who choose it try SO HARD."
"I think this generation of parents is more exhausted than any of the previous ones. We have access to more information, more parents to keep up with and compare to, and the mental load is heavier, especially for women.
We have to remember that we’ve been raising babies from the time we existed. We’ve built civilizations and raised heroes and saints and brilliant people. It’s not as hard as people selling us things want us to think it is. Nobody comes out of childhood unscathed or as a perfect adult, but the vast majority of us do okay in the end. I’m not saying we should put less effort into parenting, I’m just saying we need to narrow the focus and hone in on what really matters instead of trying to do every single little thing perfectly. And don’t post your kids on the internet."
6."Parents who don't establish boundaries on technology. I'm not going to shame parents who give their little children (toddlers, babies) a screen, but I personally don't think children that young need to actively be in front of [one]."
"However, I don't care if that's how you choose to raise your child. But for the love of everyone and everything, please watch what your child has access to.
Some parents think their children are completely safe just because they implement parental controls and download apps meant for kids. THEY ARE NOT. Parental controls can and will be disabled once a child understands how to do that. Anything inappropriate WILL find its way into your children's apps (for example, ads).
Remember children now have access to a lot more information/sites than especially the older parents between these two generations had access to. Just because you think there won't be any consequences doesn't mean it's true."
7."People shoving screens in their kid's face when out and about to keep the peace. No, just be a parent and teach them how to use their manners in public."
"I mean I get it, I hate taking my kids grocery shopping with me. I go into sensory overload meltdown like every time. But I refuse to give in, because I want them to be able to behave and use proper manners in public places.
Also, parents allowing their little kids to watch things too grown up for them. Like kindergarteners freaking watching Stranger Things! What the heck!"
8."Millenial with a 3-year-old here. It is the unwarranted criticism and advice overall. I didn't ask for your help, opinion, etc., but you gave it — for what reason? People love to inject their anecdotes and it isn't helpful, it's insulting and frustrating."
"I don't even use Facebook anymore because it's so rampant.
As a parent: Be rigid or loosey-goosey or anywhere in between, just please be polite and set a good example, raise decent human beings, and keep the unsolicited advice to yourself."
"As someone who worked in a school, and is married to a teacher: too many parents aren't holding their kids accountable."
"Any action, no matter how egregious, gets turned into 'What did YOU do to make him behave that way?'
I'm talking things like a student throwing a chair at a teacher because she asked him nicely to sit down, or a kid smoking weed in class or watching porn on their phone with the volume all the way up (again, in class)."
"My husband's caught kids using AI to write essays, and parents are coming back with, 'Why should my kid have to write essays anyway?'"
"Our own kids find us strict compared to some of their friends' parents because we expect them to get their schoolwork done, which to us is the bare minimum.
I know it's hard work to set standards and follow through, but if we don't teach our kids to hold themselves accountable and meet expectations, we're raising adults who will end up at best unable to hold down a job, and at worst incarcerated."
9."I have three girls and always give other mothers grace. I truly believe it's incredibly important to be supportive and understanding of other moms."
"We are all trying our hardest, and my child's friends' moms are always giving me their two cents on how to raise my children. Parenting is hard enough without being constantly judged."
10."Influencers who use their children as accessories and currency. YouTube families are not wholesome."
"Children should not grow up with cameras in their faces all the time.
Also, name your damn kids real names. If you have to say 'but it’s pronounced this way,' it’s a tragedeigh. You’re not naming a poodle."
11."I'm tired of people conflating gentle parenting with permissive parenting. They are not the same."
“'Gentle parenting' is authoritative, and manages to hold boundaries and use discipline (not punishment) while also holding space for your kids' feelings.
Being a gentle parent doesn’t mean your kids walk all over you; it just means that you don’t treat their feelings as trivial. Like, yeah, I know having to leave the playground upsets you, it really sucks and I would love to stay too, but we need to leave anyway."
12."Nobody takes accountability anymore. Parents, children. It's always someone else's fault."
"Your kid got a D? Blame the teacher. Your kid was put in jail for DUI? Blame the police. It's NEVER their fault."
13."I'm a millennial parent. I'm going to go against the grain and say positive things, because I'm SICK AND TIRED of this 'tearing down other parents' mentality that exists online. "
"I know many parents who read to their kids, are MORE present with them than past generations, don't rely on tech and social media (or set healthy limits and boundaries around use), and discipline their children. I also see more discussions around mental health."
14."As a millennial who works in an elementary school, I witness the same horrible parenting from most parents. There is no accountability from parents; they undermine both social growth and schooling philosophically. You likely are not as good of a parent as you think you are."
15."This whole 'we’re best friends' thing is super annoying. My daughter tried to say that once when she was 10. I said, 'No, I’m your mother. You can get rid of a best friend; I’m here to stay."
—Anonymous
16."As a mom, I feel there is so much pressure for our children to have zero screen time, I had way, way more screen time as a child than my three children do."
"I personally as a Mom use screen time when I need to get something done, like laundry or dishes, and not all screen time is created equal. My children have learned so much from watching Bluey, and I feel I have too, honestly. I'm a better parent for watching these types of shows with them.
Other moms put so much pressure on themselves and other moms to never have screen time, and it's crazy!"
17."This whole 'unschooling' thing or whatever the F is going on irks me to my core."
"It’s bad enough that a couple of people in my graduating class were illiterate; now practically all the kids are illiterate??? That’s neither cute nor cool, and I would rather not live to see a future where dirt-ignorant people are in charge."
18."[What irks me is] hearing small children repeat things they clearly overhear in adult conversations. They don’t need to be privy to all your business."
E!
"They also don’t need to watch adult movies or scary things. Let them be little — it's a finite period of time and when it’s done it’s done. Try to enjoy them being kids, not treat them like a peer."
"This drives me nuts. My niece is eight and thinks everyone's business is hers too because her mom never stops to think, 'Hm... maybe she shouldn't hear this.' She's gotten now where she doesn't just hear and repeat, she jumps in after every sentence... Ma'am, you are eight! Diet culture and how many boyfriends you have shouldn't be important to you. Go be a kid while you can!"
19.And finally: "We have to stop with the 'gentle parenting' thing. We HAVE to. I also have a kid, and guess what? Normal parenting works just fine. She doesn’t immediately perish from the consequences of her actions."
"Unlike her classmates, my 12-year-old can tie her shoes, doesn’t bite her classmates, and can read above grade level. I wish I was kidding.
My fellow millennials, you’ve got to stop being besties with the kids and parent them. It’s not fun, I know. But for the love of God, we are ruining their futures!"
—Anonymous
I'd love to hear allllll your thoughts on the above in the comments down below. Feel free to comment your own parenting opinions, too! Or, if you prefer, you can leave your opinions in this anonymous Google Form. Who knows — your comment may be included in an upcoming BuzzFeed article!
